a short vent

I have been in hiding as of lately. I think I suffer from people phobia, or people anxiety lately. It seems that when you share how you feel, there are a ton of experts who are willing to offer all kinds of helpful advice. How about just loving me where I am at. I could be the problem also. I see so much taking instead of giving, it kind of makes me sick. I must admit I too wonder what is in it for me, rather than what I can give. People are just plain funny though. Some time those who call themselves Christians, can be the worst. There must be some chapters of the bible they haven’t gotten to yet. Hey i am just as bad, judging people like this. Is anyone really genuine anymore? Is there such a thing as real friendships. I really do think I am the one with the problem. I won’t let anyone get close, I can get offended easily, and I can take advice the wrong way. I consider the source and realize that they don’t have their life together either and throw their advice out with the trash. Does anyone really take the time to just listen anymore?

I am just kind of venting here. I have no one to blame but myself for anything. You know it has been 119 days since i had my accident. I haven’t had a cigarette in as many days. So I guess I can change. If I want to. If i had to.  After all I am a man. I find myself often thinking of the people that Jesus came for. Murderers, prostitutes, criminals and so on. People who did not have their lives together. Well then there is still hope for me.  I am always amazed when I have a conversation with Him, that he never points out what is wrong with me. I guess we both know that. People on the other hand like to point out what they think is wrong with you and then offer you ways that they think you need to improve yourself. The television tells you this crap all the time. Jesus just comes a long and sees what’s missing. He sees nothing wrong with me. I am just wired a little different than most. I can look at life a little different than some. Maybe i am anal, or a perfectionist who never seems to get it right. I can run i million different scenarios in my head in a course of a few minutes, which none will ever happen.

Stress and anxiety are two companions that I have known for too long. I can stress over the littlest things and have great anxiety over things that haven’t even happen yet. I struggle over relationships and take things to personal. I guess deep down, I am human and just want to be loved. Again this is where Jesus comes into the picture. I wonder at times if more people were like Jesus, if this world would be a better place. With Jesus, you take a lot of self out of the equation. Maybe that’s asking a little too much. We still need Jesus. Maybe me more than anyone.  We are all captive to something,,,Jesus came to set the captives free. I need to be set free. Maybe I am free and society is just trying to put rules and regulations on me to make think that I am not. I should do this or say that or act like this. or worse yet, don’t do this or don’t do that….There’s always some one watching. This is probably not going to be one of my most popular blogs,,,,but it’s mine and I can say what I want….. This pic below kinda sums it up for me lately….