You Mighty Man of God…..

All the leaves are green
All my friends are gone
I’m livin’ in my hometown
I can barely get along
I feel sorry for myself
That’s an easy thing to do
I feel sorry for the world
I feel sorry for you
Yes I am a pitiful sight
I can’t even get one thing right,,,,

I know just what it’s like
To be ridin’ in the rumbleseat…. J Mellencamp

Discouragement seems to be trying to rear it’s ugly head these days. Being introverted sometimes you latch on to songs and it sticks in your head. Know matter how hard you try, you just cannot shake it out of there. Even if you haven’t listened to the song for quite a while. I am not sure if that is a blessing or not. I am just waiting for God to answer my prayers. People say that God is never early, but seldom late. I am not sure if that is true or not. I think some one made it up to make themselves feel better. Meanwhile in the waiting you wonder if there is something wrong with you. What did I miss or what did I do wrong? I think we are all trying to find our way in this world, hoping for some good to come from somewhere. Some hope, some encouragement, some friendship, some love, and possible some direction from God. Maybe I am looking in the wrong direction when it comes, or I am distracted when God is trying to get my attention. At times I feel like I am so unsure of what to do, it can drive myself into a tizzy. Then when I think I hear from God, I need double or triple confirmation and three signs and I still wonder if it is me or God.

One day the angel of God came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, whose son Gideon was threshing wheat in the winepress, out of sight of the Midianites. The angel of God appeared to him and said, “God is with you, O mighty warrior!” Gideon replied, “With me, my master? If God is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all the miracle-wonders our parents and grandparents told us about, telling us, ‘Didn’t God deliver us from Egypt?’ The fact is, God has nothing to do with us—he has turned us over to Midian.” But God faced him directly: “Go in this strength that is yours. Save Israel from Midian. Haven’t I just sent you?” Gideon said to him, “Me, my master? How and with what could I ever save Israel? Look at me. My clan’s the weakest in Manasseh and I’m the runt of the litter.” God said to him, “I’ll be with you. Believe me, you’ll defeat Midian as one man.” Judges 6 Message.

Here we have Gideon hiding out and God appears to him and tells him who exactly is, “O Mighty Warrior”, yet Gideon doesn’t get it and comes up with all these excuses why he is not. I feel that way at times, “who am I”, “I can’t do this”, “why does nothing go right for me”, and so on? I tend to beat myself up and take myself out of the picture. I can think of more reasons not to be who God called me to be, rather than who I truly am in God.

Gideon said to God, “If this is right, if you are using me to save Israel as you’ve said, then look: I’m placing a fleece of wool on the threshing floor. If dew is on the fleece only, but the floor is dry, then I know that you will use me to save Israel, as you said.” That’s what happened. When he got up early the next morning, he wrung out the fleece—enough dew to fill a bowl with water! Then Gideon said to God, “Don’t be impatient with me, but let me say one more thing. I want to try another time with the fleece. But this time let the fleece stay dry, while the dew drenches the ground.” God made it happen that very night. Only the fleece was dry while the ground was wet with dew. Judges 6 The Message.

Gideon still needs confirmation from God. I can’t even remember how many times I have prayed for God’s help and guidance and it has never gone the way I thought it should. Maybe that’s the problem, thinking that I know what’s best for me and my situation. Maybe God has been taking care of it all this time. Maybe I am doing better than I think. Again, the enemy tries to come in and trip you up.

Gideon got up early the next morning, all his troops right there with him. They set up camp at Harod’s Spring. The camp of Midian was in the plain, north of them near the Hill of Moreh. God said to Gideon, “You have too large an army with you. I can’t turn Midian over to them like this—they’ll take all the credit, saying, ‘I did it all myself,’ and forget about me. Make a public announcement: ‘Anyone afraid, anyone who has any qualms at all, may leave Mount Gilead now and go home.’” Twenty-two companies headed for home. Ten companies were left. God said to Gideon: “There are still too many. Take them down to the stream and I’ll make a final cut. When I say, ‘This one goes with you,’ he’ll go. When I say, ‘This one doesn’t go,’ he won’t go.” So Gideon took the troops down to the stream. God said to Gideon: “Everyone who laps with his tongue, the way a dog laps, set on one side. And everyone who kneels to drink, drinking with his face to the water, set to the other side.” Three hundred lapped with their tongues from their cupped hands. All the rest knelt to drink. God said to Gideon: “I’ll use the three hundred men who lapped at the stream to save you and give Midian into your hands. All the rest may go home.” After Gideon took all their provisions and trumpets, he sent all the Israelites home. He took up his position with the three hundred. The camp of Midian stretched out below him in the valley. Judges 7 The Message.

I wonder how Gideon felt after God reduced his army. At the beginning God gave Gideon an outcome, “You will defeat the army of Midian as one”. God gave Gideon a destination, but the road to get there was more than what Gideon thought. I feel that way at times, that it is never going to be easy, or this looks impossible. How will I even get there. I often have plan b and c in reserve just in case plan a doesn’t work. At times God can give me a word, or a direction and I have a hard time trusting Him. I look at my circumstances and my own abilities instead of just having simple faith and trust.

That night, God told Gideon: “Get up and go down to the camp. I’ve given it to you. If you have any doubts about going down, go down with Purah your armor bearer; when you hear what they’re saying, you’ll be bold and confident.” He and his armor bearer Purah went down near the place where sentries were posted. Midian and Amalek, all the easterners, were spread out on the plain like a swarm of locusts. And their camels! Past counting, like grains of sand on the seashore! Gideon arrived just in time to hear a man tell his friend a dream. He said, “I had this dream: A loaf of barley bread tumbled into the Midianite camp. It came to the tent and hit it so hard it collapsed. The tent fell!” His friend said, “This has to be the sword of Gideon son of Joash, the Israelite! God has turned Midian—the whole camp!—over to him.” When Gideon heard the telling of the dream and its interpretation, he dropped to his knees before God in prayer. Then he went back to the Israelite camp and said, “Get up and get going! God has just given us the Midianite army!” Judges 7 The Message

That is interesting that Gideon had to go into the camp of the enemy to get a word from The Lord. How did Gideon end up at the one tent where some guy had a dream? Gideon worshipped God right there in the middle of the enemies camp. At times I feel like that is where we are at in this world. Right there in the middle of the enemies camp. Satan is the ruler of this world. He is our enemy, so i guess we are in the middle of the enemies camp. Jesus has already defeated this enemy, but we still must take time to listen and to trust.

He divided the three hundred men into three companies. He gave each man a trumpet and an empty jar, with a torch in the jar. He said, “Watch me and do what I do. When I get to the edge of the camp, do exactly what I do. When I and those with me blow the trumpets, you also, all around the camp, blow your trumpets and shout, ‘For God and for Gideon!’” Gideon and his hundred men got to the edge of the camp at the beginning of the middle watch, just after the sentries had been posted. They blew the trumpets, at the same time smashing the jars they carried. All three companies blew the trumpets and broke the jars. They held the torches in their left hands and the trumpets in their right hands, ready to blow, and shouted, “A sword for God and for Gideon!” They were stationed all around the camp, each man at his post. The whole Midianite camp jumped to its feet. They yelled and fled. When the three hundred blew the trumpets, God aimed each Midianite’s sword against his companion, all over the camp. They ran for their lives—to Beth Shittah, toward Zererah, to the border of Abel Meholah near Tabbath. Israelites rallied from Naphtali, from Asher, and from all over Manasseh. They had Midian on the run. Judges 7 The Message

In other translations I have read that the enemy became so confused that they fought among themselves and defeated themselves. What a sight that must have been to watch. So remember that when it looks hopeless it is probably not. When you feel discouraged or feel like you are a nobody and nobody cares, that is not true. God has a plan and a purpose for everyone. He does not make junk. You are very important to God. You are His treasure. I wish I could tell you what God’s plan for you are, or who you are in Christ Jesus, but that is something you have to find out for yourself. Ask God and I know He will tell you. Listen for that quiet voice, you will hear it. You don’t even have to put a fleece. We all have a destination from God, How we get there is different for each one of us. Somedays are up and some are down. take time to listen and to worship and you will get there. The battle has already been won for you, you just need to show up. You can’t lose.

We won’t be fooled again….

When I was a youngster, there were all thess ads in comic books to buy sea monkeys, posters and patches. Decals that would stick to anything, and say anything. From don’t eat yellow snow to the devil made me do it. Of course i could never afford them, but it was always fun to read what they say. You could even buy x-ray glasses, or the muscles thing if some bully kicked sand in your face, I wonder if they worked? Now looking back, it was just away to take our money. Still there it was in every comic book that I read, always tempting. Now we as adults are tempted in other ways, look at this, buy that and you need one of these. If you turn on the television, it’s right there telling you some line of crap. There still is more temptation that seems to be ringing in your ear. A constant barrage of false hoods that try to affect the way you think and act. We all have things that tempt us. Then when we do fall for it there is that guilt and shame that follows. In reality, the devil can’t make you do anything. He will try and try. He knows your weak spots and he will attack. Let’s look at one of my favorite examples from the book of Matthew;

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted[ by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written:

“‘He will command his angels concerning you,
and they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’”

Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’” Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.” Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’” Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

Even Jesus was tempted by the devil. The devil is the ruler of this world. He had to ask God’s permission to come after Job, to sift Peter. He hates all of God’s creation. He will easily overcome those who will choose to listen. We cannot use the excuse that the devil made us do it. We have the power from God to resist the devil and he will flee. It is our choice to fall into temptation and follow through with it. We have a choice to whom we choose to listen to. The devil left Jesus after tempting him, only to come back at another time when he perceived Jesus to be weak. He thought he won when it came to nailing Jesus on the cross. Jesus died and went through hell and now has the keys to set the captives free. Jesus has overcome it all. When Jesus asked how we should pray, remember He said, “lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.” We need to put on our armor daily. We are battling and evil that never gives up. One that has your total destruction in mind. If he can draw you away from God, he will try everything. You have a choice, and the answer is “NO”. I know what is like to have your mind invaded day after day. Do you ever wonder where that thought came from? Sometimes I think the enemy even attacks me in my dreams.

In one dream I had, a few years ago. I was in these dark woods hiding by a shack, I could hear voices coming from the shack. I realized that I was listening to the plans of the enemy. His battle plan. I listened as long as i could and then I ran away. We already know his plans, to rob, kill and destroy. That can come in many different forms. Attacking your work, marriage, friendships, finances and so on. He will drive wedges in your life and your mind. He will try to convince you that you are worthless and meaningless. There is nothing out of bounds from him. He is ruthless. Complaining, whining and bickering and fear are his worship language. We on the other hand have total victory in Jesus. We have the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. We can’t lose. We are condemned to victory. The devil can’t make you do anything. Choose life and love. We have a great cloud of witnesses cheering us on. You have every tool that you need to succeed. Faith, Hope and Love. Use them. I need to remind myself daily. There are more with is than with them. I pray like Elisha did, may your eyes be open to see.

Locusts?

Rend your heart and not your garments.
Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity.
Who knows? He may turn and relent and leave behind a blessing, grain offerings and drink offerings
for the Lord your God. Blow the trumpet in Zion, declare a holy fast, call a sacred assembly. Gather the people, consecrate the assembly; bring together the elders, gather the children, those nursing at the breast. Let the bridegroom leave his room and the bride her chamber. Let the priests, who minister before the Lord, weep between the portico and the altar. Let them say, “Spare your people, Lord. Do not make your inheritance an object of scorn,
a byword among the nations. Why should they say among the peoples,
‘Where is their God?’”

The Lord’s Answer
Then the Lord was jealous for his land and took pity on his people.

The Lord replied to them: “I am sending you grain, new wine and olive oil, enough to satisfy you fully;
never again will I make you an object of scorn to the nations. “I will drive the northern horde far from you,
pushing it into a parched and barren land; its eastern ranks will drown in the Dead Sea and its western ranks in the Mediterranean Sea. And its stench will go up; its smell will rise.” Surely he has done great things!
Do not be afraid, land of Judah; be glad and rejoice. Surely the Lord has done great things! Do not be afraid, you wild animals, for the pastures in the wilderness are becoming green. The trees are bearing their fruit; the fig tree and the vine yield their riches. Be glad, people of Zion, rejoice in the Lord your God, for he has given you the autumn rains
because he is faithful. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before.
The threshing floors will be filled with grain; the vats will overflow with new wine and oil.

“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten, the great locust and the young locust,
the other locusts and the locust swarm, my great army that I sent among you. You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will my people be shamed. Then you will know that I am in Israel, that I am the Lord your God, and that there is no other;
never again will my people be shamed.

The Day of the Lord
“And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days. I will show wonders in the heavens and on the earth, blood and fire and billows of smoke. The sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved; for on Mount Zion and in Jerusalem there will be deliverance, as the Lord has said, even among the survivors whom the Lord calls. Joel 2

What is “the years that the locust ate”? Are those the years before I walked with Christ. When everywhere I turned I reaped some form of self destruction. Where the choices I seem to make turned out being the wrong ones. Where every temptation that came my way, I chose to follow only to lead from one trap into another. The years I spent in jail because of the terrible choices I made? God does take care of us, I am not sure how we have gotten by this last year if it wasn’t for Him. Our needs have been met. I have found myself having to trust Him for everything. It seems like it is getting weirder out in this world everyday. Who can you trust? Who are your friends? Being an introvert, i think I tend to think too much. I can think myself right into a tizzy and then overthink about that and the next thing you know I am asking God for help with my anxiety that seems to be right besides me all the time. Regardless of who I am or what I thing, God is good all the time. I wonder what other people’s relationship with Him is like? Sometimes i do feel weary of doing good. Maybe we are overabundant in this country. Who are our opponents, and why does everyone want you to do something for them, and don’t go out of their way for you? I guess being a hermit is not so bad. Sometimes you just tend to think too much. God has a plan, always, i just sometimes wonder what it is, what’s my role, and will there be donuts.

Did I really lose anything? Money, friends, time? What will God restore? At times I find that I am still an angry young man. Thank God, I haven’t arrived yet and I still need Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

Trying to make sense of it all……

But I see it makes no sense at all.
Is it cool to go to sleep on the floor?
I don’t think that I can take anymore.
Clowns to the left of me!

Jokers to the right!
Here I am stuck in the middle with you.

What does make sense these days? Here we are, life seems to be going on fine, and the left throughs their brand of fear into the mix. Life just keeps on getting more and more interesting. They try to hold your freedom hostage. If you do this, we will give you that. I didn’t know America could be like this. Our freedom is coming under attack everyday. How do you prepare? How do you fight back? This isn’t a conventional war. Our very existence is at stake. Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is a battle now days. But I guess it is a matter of perspective, you can choose to live in fear, or choose life.

I wish I had the boldness of Elijah, what a prophet. He slaughtered the prophets of baal. All of them, then his life was threatened and he ran and hid in a cave. What is amazing to me that even in that moment, God asked him what he was doing here and looked passed his fear and gave him new instructions on where to go. And He went. I would like to be a man of God like that. Instead I think I look at what is missing. Or I just sit here in the shadows, wishing. What must I do? What am I not doing? Who is going to come along side and help?

I just wanted to share this with you: Psalm 91

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

I want to say that I trust in the Lord, and that He is my fortress. But at times I think I try to do it my way, or have a backup plan, just in case. I really don’t have a plan at all. My goal really is to try and be as close to God as i can be. somedays I am good, and some days i wonder how did i even get here. I found that what you focus on the most is where your heart is. If you choose to focus on God, you tend to look at things a bit different. I am not saying that i have arrived. Where else can you go? who else has the words of life? The things of this earth are just temporal. They really don’t satisfy, maybe for an instant and then the craving comes back. I would like to quote one of my favorite authors, “The endless struggle for enough money, good feelings and prestige yields a rich harvest of worry, frustration, suspicion, anger, jealousy, anxiety, fear and resentment. These powerful emotion-backed desires cause 99% of the self-inflicted and unnecessary suffering in our lives.”. The Importance of being foolish, by Brennan Manning. I come to the conclusion that You will never be satisfied. It will never end. When will you ever be happy?

You can choose to live life just plowing through hoping to make it to the end, or you can choose to make the Lord your refuge. He will take of you. He wants to provide for you, fight for you, protect you. He cares for you more than you can imagine. Being an Introvert, i can have a vivid imagination. I love to see the Lord move. We will get through this. God is who He says He is, and this is a time to have faith and to trust. We are still running the race. Don’t focus on the clowns to the left, or the jokers to the right, but be stuck in the middle with God. These are exciting times to be walking with Him. Look at what He is doing, not what the clowns and jokers are doing.

‘Cause I’m stuck in the middle with you
And I’m wondering what it is I should do.
It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face.
Losing control and running all over the place.

Clowns to the left of me!
Jokers to the right!
Here I am stuck in the middle with you.

Jesus is my refuge, and I am glad to be stuck in the middle with Him.

Riding the storm out…

We all go through times in our life when we seem to hit a rough patch. Where things just don’t go right, or we just are having a bad day. Most of the time it seems like I have more than most. Most of the time it is because of wrong choices, or my foolish pride. Sometimes it seems like it is one thing after another. I cannot go a couple of minutes without something going wrong. I cannot do a project at home without some blood magically appearing. A cut here or a bruise there and I wonder, how did that happen. when things don’t go right, I get so frustrated and then my anxiety kicks in and well, can I get a do over. I can get a round peg to fit into a square hole. As long as I am in control, everything will work out just fine, maybe. it is not always like that. I have plenty of good days too, and there are times when things actually work out for the better. We don’t always see the big picture and want it solved right now.

It seems right now that our country is in a pretty big storm. How much longer can we ride this one out. It seems like we know we are on the Titanic and waiting for that crash. Some don’t even know what is coming. Life is going along smoothly and the next thing we know, we are being blindsided by something and we are wondering, what the heck is going on. This is not going the way I thought it should have. I have a completely different plan in mind. Being an introvert, I can think of a thousand different ways something should be done. It never goes the way I can perceive it to. Conversations never go the same either. Good thing i am not running the show. I would have us sunk before we even left port. I am not saying i am the village idiot, but i can have some good ideas now and then.

Let’s take the disciples for instance. they were expert fisherman, been out to see many times. caught more fish than I can imagine, and here they were out in the boat, during a storm. Prior to them shipping off Jesus said, “Let’s get into the boat and go to the other side.” So this big storm starts to come up and in the back of the boat, Jesus was napping. They were so scared of the storm, yet they were right there with Jesus. They had to wake Him and ask Him if He cared about them. He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”

Do you think Jesus was really napping? I wonder what He really wanted the disciples to see? I wonder if their fear was extreme. How scary was it really? Some don’t know it, but I think we are in the middle of a storm right now. Jesus is with us, but we are too busy looking at the storm instead of trusting God. I question my faith at times, more often than I can admit. Do I trust you Father? Am I doing okay? Will everything work out okay? I too am paralyzed by fear. What does the future hold? Sometimes I have to stop what I am doing and take a breath and remind myself the God has everything under control. He knew who I was, and what i was going to be like even before I was born. Yet He still chose me. Still revealed Himself to me. Took my hand and my heart and said, let’s go on an adventure. He never said it was going to be easy, or fun all the time. He said, let’s get into the boat and go to the other side. So right now we are in the boat, but we have something the disciples didn’t, the Holy Spirit, to guide and comfort us along the way. He is with us always. If the road is easy, how will we gain wisdom. The reward will be some much sweeter as we endure the tough times. The battles have already been won. This is how we grow in trust and faith. Keep running the race, victory belongs to the Lord. I read an article this morning about Dietrich Bonhoeffer. A doctor watched him as it was his turn to be executed. Dietrich Bonhoeffer prayed to God and met death, The doctor said, He never saw anyone with such confidence and trust in God, die knowing exactly where he was going to when he left this earth. he could see it on Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s face.

In Jesus, we will get to the other side. Hang on, because it will be a wild ride, and the outcome will be worth it.

Can’t find my way home….

The last year has been an interesting one, if I must say. From the sickening mask wearing, to losing your job, to get the sickness, to missing out on the Holidays to where do we go from here. The other day we were discussing friendships, or the lack there of. Where did those people go that we thought we were friends with? were they friends in the first place? was it me? After all this I have become a recluse. on a deserted island. Going to the store is an adventure for us. wearing masks, lack of food on the shelves, and you don’t see anyone smiling. Today a lady at the deli made me smile, i asked for some corned beef, because who doesn’t like a good Rueben, and she said no, I couldn’t get any, they were fresh out. i said are these two packages just for display? she said no, I just don’t want to get you any. The other lady said she has been doing that all day. I could tell that they were both smiling. I said I can’t see your smile, but I can tell by your eyes that you are. Then you wander around the rest of the store and try to stay six feet apart. The dumb sickness can’t be effective at six foot one inch. but everyone looks like zombies moving about looking for their goodies. Are we a society that is turning cold, toward each other. I must confess, i like to avoid people. heck i try avoid conversations with people. Maybe something is wrong with me. My wife and I had a conversation about making friends. I think maybe i am part of the problem. I have been burnt on making friends so many times that i am not sure i even want to take a chance. we all different ideas or different viewpoints on life. It is easy for me to unfriend on social media, i just want to hideaway. I feel like i really don’t have anything to say, or when I do, someone will think that it is dumb. I know it’s not, but i wear my heart on my sleeve and take things too personal. so as you see, i am the problem. I have put up walls, boundaries, a safe zone.

When you walk with God, it’s not easy. I am afraid of doing the wrong thing, or when i do, i think God is going to send me right to hell. Then i feel like i have to work my way into His good graces. It seems like everything I do is wrong. It’s a wonder that I am even still saved. I worry myself to death. Being introverted and thinking about every detail can be debilitating. I pray and pray and nothing seems to happen. Maybe if i read more, or worship more, nothing seems to happen. I will always take some prayer. At times i wonder what does God really think of me? What are my gifting’s, or talents. When I ask, i really don’t hear. Am I doing the right thing. Hey God, it’s me down here, Hello? The other night i wondering what to believe, who is in charge of the country, who can you trust and do i still believe in God. I didn’t know what to think. I got down on my knees and told God that i was sorry and I still believed. I think He understood. We are living in interesting times, where you don’t know what to believe. Who can you trust, who are your friends, what will tomorrow bring? The internet is not really helpful. you can just through yourself out there and nibble on any old thing and you don’t know if it is true or not. Just because one hundred people share something, that doesn’t make it true. pictures can now be altered and facts changed and lies can be twisted to sound truthful. Heck I can’t even trust myself. I know my weaknesses, and what’s worse is the enemy knows them too. God knows my strengths, I am still working on that. No one can really answer these questions, it is just something between you and God. I have often thought about asking someone for a prophetic word, when the real answer is get one yourself. It’s like asking for a window to be open in heaven, and the window is already open.

Nobody really knows where i am at, but me and God, and sometimes it seems hard to get an answer out of Him. I have spent the last seven months looking at what is wrong with me. every last thing that i did wrong and every mistake i have made. what an ugly picture. I found it hard to look at all the things that I did right, or did a good job. deep down i would like to think I am a good person, or do a good job, but there is always someone there pointing out my mistake, or correcting me. you don’t know how much i hate that. If only someone would come along side and love instead. I know part of it’s me and i can take things the wrong way. but when all you see and hear is the negative, why else wouldn’t you build a wall. It’s understandable why i would question God. Do you really love me, am i doing Okay, will this make you happy. You aren’t going throw me into the lake of fire are you? I’ll try harder next time. Please give me one more chance. Can you see where this gets you in life? doubt and fear ind mistrust are you constant companions. Then the enemy is tempting you and enticing you, telling you that God doesn’t care. These are the things you have to fight through every day. The battle for your mind is real. Then the world out there is hard also. In the word’s of Hawkeye Pierce, it’s funny we all don’t go and stick our nose in a chopper blade.

I am not crazy, or going to do anything irrational, these are just my everyday observations. I believe that Jesus came to save us all from the world and ourselves. That the Gift of eternal life will never be taken away, and there is a hope that God is bringing us into being Christ like. The enemy wants to come and steal kill and destroy us. He hates us with a passion that cannot be described. He will use anyone or anything to trip us up. Yet here is God, with compassion and mercy that is being measure. God also will use anything to get our attentions, to draw us closer to Himself. Behind everything there is a plan and a purpose, i don’t always see it and probably never will. I trust Him. In God there are all things. He is the beginning and the end, and He loves me.

Freedom Baby……

this still applies…..

Joe's Garage Logic

I have had a sense these past few days that too many of us have been living in some sort of fear. Fear of the future, or a fear of some enemy. This is not good people. It is not a place that God wants you to live. He talks about it quite a bit in His word. But first, what is fear: “adistressingemotionarousedbyimpendingdanger,evil,pain,etc.,whetherthethreatisrealorimagined” . The television is good at instilling this into us. Sure they think it is news, but people bite on it and run with it in their imagination and the next thing you know they are hiding in their closets. Now with the internet, you can almost see it happening before it even happens. Fear can spread like wildfire, one little seed can contaminate a whole community. It can…

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HELP!!

I haven’t written anything in a while. I’ve been caught up in the whole conspirator hype that has been going on. At times i think an over powering flood of information is bad for you. You don’t know what too think or who to trust. In the meantime it is time to find a job. I just don’t want any old job, i want one where i fit in, where i am happy and people are happy with me. So i am asking for prayer. If you get a word great, if you get direction, great. Give me something. At times i am not sure what is up.

TRUMP ODE TO THE CORPORATION!

excellent

THE MARSHALL REPORT

D.C. is fenced off and the President is never going back to the White House. But not for reasons you may be thinking.

Fear not, there will be a new capitol built and an end to income taxes paid to the tax collectors of the Corporation that is now in the hands of a new administration. They went to all the trouble to steal a corporation whose assetts are in the process of being seized. Most did not see this coming for they did not even know their nation was a Corporation. But, it is indeed but now, no more are the states subject to it. Please read on to understand the nature of the battle we are in.

Meet the thieves in the light of day. So proudly they claim what is not theirs to take…or is it?

In 1871 a sedious act was performed by the Government. A…

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Still crazy after all these years….

I am not sure how others think or feel about life in general. I can only speak for myself. At times it seems so frustrating. I can miss the meaning of so many things people say, or even how they act. i can run with it in a thousand directions and completely send myself into a tizzy. I wonder how i have even made it in life this far. everyday releases new challenges and a whole new list of impossibilities that can send you into a whirlwind of insecurity. I can over analyze better than Freud. it is a wonder i am even sane at all. what is being sane anyway? Why does one go through so much, what is going on here? I have no one to blame but myself. Only I am responsible for my thoughts and actions. I am the one that needs to let go of all the baggage that i have been carrying since God knows when. I think that is why i have all this grey hair. It is a wonder how one gets around in life with a wheelbarrow full of problems and you are trying to fix them on your own. Hoping for some relief around the next corner only to find another stack to add to your pile. Then the load gets heavier and heavier and you are trying to find your way in the fog. Then you try to fix it on your own and you feel like it is only getting worse and worse. you put a smile on your face and pretend things are going fine, while deep down you wonder how did i get here. You try to get right with God and dig deeper and you get beat up. you pick yourself up and try again. Meanwhile back at base camp in your mind, you fight with self worth, you wonder how can anyone like some one like myself and you feel the only answer is to run away. run to where? i think i have wanted to run away my whole life. you try to please people or help, just to have a friend. then you fight the lies of are they really your friend, do they really care, did i make myself to look like a fool. so then you tend to want to hide away. you battle in your mind, why would anyone want you anyway. you battle rejection, and hope it all goes away. you spend your energy trying to please others only to feel unwanted. Insecurity is a dangerous foe. I feel like i am fighting a losing battle with it. I am afraid of what people may think of me, or i even question their intentions when they want to help. What is their motive and why are they being so nice.

Am i missing something here in life? Are there really people out there who care? How do you trust when you feel like it has been broken. It is obvious you can’t trust in the world or the government. You should be able to trust in God, it says so on all your money. Trusting God is interesting, He can be so complex, yet so simple. I think it is my brain the makes it complicated. I know that i Love God, but wonder if He loves me back. Kind of stupid huh. You would think that as a follower of Christ, i would be one of the most confident person out there. At times i need to be reassured. If anything it is nice to hear from God. Hey it’s me, how am i doing down here? Do you still love me? Please give me a some encouragement, a dream, a word something. What a silly person I am. I am not the sharpest tool in the shed and i get tired of being treated like that. How does one cope with feeling like you do everything wrong? How does one build up his self-esteem, his confidence. i tend to look at what is wrong more than what is right. I can tell you more about the mistakes i have made than all the good things i have done. That’s probably why i feel like the worst sinner ever. I just can’t shake it. Living in the past is not good. no wonder i feel like a miserable wretch at times. Alas, there is hope. With a world that is spinning down the toilet, there Is God. It’s the one thing that is for sure. I have to believe. where else can you go? I feel like God has driven me into a corner and there is nothing else but Him. Even then i feel like i am hanging by a string. When life takes us out of our norm and puts a crazy spin on it, where you don’t see what the future is like, the only thing you can cling to is God. I have to stay here and see how it is going to end. These are exciting times. i just seem to take on the stress and anxiety that goes along with it. If they were passing out awards for worry, i would win hands down. I will be okay. I like Old Gideon, he was lacking in a lot of the same issues i am. He was hiding in a wine press, when the angel appeared. he thought of himself as the lowest and weakest, but God could see his true worth. Gideon you might man of valor. Yet Gideon had to throw out a couple of fleeces. still had doubt when God reduced his army to less than three hundred, then God asked him if he needed a prophecy. Gideon said yes, so God sent him into the enemies camp and he received one. I would have given up. Here we are in the camp of the enemy now, the battle is real and the last word i have received is, “God will provide your manna”. so everyday I am expecting something, and of course the enemy is right there speaking against it. I will believe God, what he says he will do and what he says about me. He knows my heart.