The day i get to the pearly gates, will St, Peter really be sitting there with his clipboard in his hand? Checking my name against his clipboard, seeing if i have been naughty of nice? Did i really believe? Did i do more good than bad, what kind of attitude did i have when i did good? Then when he smiles at me and punches my ticket and says, go on in your room is waiting? And by room, hopefully he means a small cabin on the lake, secluded from others. Will i still be introverted in heaven? will i still have friends? will it be an everyday flow of constant worship? will i know others? Will Jesus and i have time chat about the whys and what nots? Will I get a big hug, and will there be dancing in the streets, a party, and will there be people there that will be shocked that i made it in? Will I get to see God’s throne, and will there be elders and disciples sitting on both sides? Who will be at God’s right hand and who will be at his left? Will i be in awe? Will anything i did on earth really matter? Will my scars be gone? Will my fears and doubts melt away in his presence? Will i hear well done good and faithful servant?
In the lord’s prayer, one line is”on earth as it is in heaven”. I feel like that there is so much that i am missing. Am i on track, am i veering to the left or to the right? Am i running a good race, am i fighting a good fight? Only God can answer these questions. On fear is that i won’t make the final cut. You were so close, but remember that time you were mad and swore, or you didn’t quite love your neighbor enough, you complained about their garbage too much. You worried too much and you lived in fear that the ax may fall. You worried about what others may think so you hid your talents away in a bushel basket. You were to busy playing video games instead of getting your oil for your lamp. You sought a prophecy instead of seeking me, you got a tattoo and now you are marked. You didn’t believe in grace and so on. You thought to much and tried to hard out of your own effort. You didn’t trust me and you always had a plan b. You didn’t love enough.
Hey i’m down here trying, doing the best i can with what i got. I may not be perfect, and i probably have more faults than i can imagine, i fall into temptation, and seek forgiveness, sure i can beat myself up better than most, i am my worst critic and at times my worst enemy,. I really don’t deserve anything. I went to church, i tithed, i taught Sunday school, i had a home prayer group. I gave ten bucks to some homeless guy standing along the side of the road with a sign asking for money. I gave away clothes to a shelter. I read the shack, i even crack open my bible once in awhile, surely you must have heard my prayers when i asked for help. hey, i am trying down here…….
Yet when it comes down to it, i have tried to love, i have tried to forgive and i have tried to have hope. i have fought with hatred and lost, i have forgiven but not forgotten and picked it back up and hated again. I have tried to be good and failed. i give up. i am a wretched man who gets up every morning and puts his pants on and tries to get through another day. I am just tired. i have become fed up with the way some things are in this world and it is very draining. it’s like you have to chose sides and one side is just as crappy as the other. I just want to be happy, enjoy what i have left. Your mission if you decide to accept it is too be happy. What will really get me in, and i am in already, is that i have loved God, and loved Jesus and believed that the only way in is through Jesus Christ our lord. It may not have always looked pretty from my end, but in God’s eyes, i have loved Him and never stopped. I may have question, but trusted. I am in…….There will be dancing in the streets, it should be that way now, on earth as it is in heaven,,,,,so come on and dance