bell bottom blues…..


 God didn’t send me out to collect a following for myself, but to preach the Message of what he has done, collecting a following for him. And he didn’t send me to do it with a lot of fancy rhetoric of my own, lest the powerful action at the center—Christ on the Cross—be trivialized into mere words……1 Corinthians 1:17

I’m just a small town kind of a guy. Grew up on a farm, nothing fancy. I like things simple. Sometimes people complicate things and make the going seem harder than it really is. Endless striving and grasping for a place in the world with some sort of stature.  To me it seems like a waste of energy. There really is no promotion in promoting yourself. Giving yourself an unearned title. Giving yourself some power and using it to control and manipulate others. Is that really freedom. The real power is keeping yourself humble and putting others first. If it is all about you, then I’m out. If you are about promoting Jesus, then I am in. Yet people fall for it time and time again. It may sound good in the beginning. People throw their money at some name and they create some mega church or following and then it seems like Jesus is completely out of the picture. It becomes some all about me type of following. I guess it is your choice to follow whatever tickles your fancy.

People will follow blindly what they perceive to be the next latest and greatest thing. You can tell it is true with fashion. Look what the media pumps up. People have killed for tickle me elmos and cabbage patch kids. Bell bottoms used to be the rage. We  are always on the look out for the latest and greatest thing. We want to feel like we belong to some greater purpose, if we fit in like everyone else. Look at me, i have arrived and I finally belong. I must be important. I can follow the latest fashion trend just like everyone else.

Actually I am a blue jean, t-shirt kind of a guy. I like to be myself. Sure I have fallen into traps of following blindly. I also have been warned in dreams about not following some things. I have been wrong before. I also have been glad that I followed my heart, instead of someone else’s. Maybe this is why I do not have too many friends. We all walk a different path and climb different mountains. Hopefully our paths with cross and we will help each other find more of Jesus. I am on my own journey of discovering who I am in Christ. My road is the hard one at times. That is okay, i have the feeling the reward will be worth it. I  have come to the conclusion that if only a couple of people read my stuff, that is a good thing. I want people to see Jesus more than they see me.

I Want to be a Clone…


       I’d gone through so much other stuff,  that walking down the aisle was tough, but now I know it’s not enough, I want to be a clone…….Steve Taylor

noun: freewill 

  1. the power of acting without the constraint of necessity or fate; the ability to act at one’s own discretion.

I have walked with God for over twenty-five years now,, well give or take a year or two. There was a time i walked like a duck and talked like a duck and thought I did all the right things. Did what everyone else did, went to church two to three times a week, led a home group, helped with Sunday school and even was a greeter. I wore the right t-shirts, listened to the latest Christian music, read the newest and latest books. Man, I’m on top of the world. Tithing left and right, helping people move, and so on. I’m in, I figured. I learned to speak Christenese, I’m really a good Christian, look at me, I thought. I am friends with everyone. I am saved. I have a cross hanging on my car, a fish on the back, I am telling everyone I am in Love with Jesus. I have to be doing the right thing.

I asked the Lord into my heart, they said that was the way to start, but now you’ve got to play the part, I want to be a clone….Steve Taylor

Then I started seeing things that made me feel uncomfortable. People who would say one thing, but do another. People who would talk behind another’s back. People who would call the police on a homeless man, rather than help. They would help you, if you were a useful tool in the church. If you served a purpose. If you tithed, if you followed someone else’s dream, blindly. If you gave up your dream to serve another purpose, then your were useful.

Be a clone and kiss conviction goodnight, cloneliness is next to Godliness, right? I’m grateful that they show the way, ’cause I could never know the way, to serve him on my own….I want to be a clone……Steve Taylor

Still there was a different aspect to me. I studied my bible, I went to hear about Christ from different teachers.I was told everything that I needed in Christ is right here at this church.  I wanted more than what the local church was selling, or making me pay for. I started walking out during the sermon to have a cigarette, I was gaze out the window while the guy preached. I watched people walk by and wondered what they thought. There has to be more to this walking with Christ than sitting here listening to some guy ramble about stuff that is not where I am even at,,,,so God told me to leave. It was a hard choice to make for, my whole walk with God started with this place and now I felt I was supposed to leave what my identity was wrapped up in?

They told me that I’d fall away, unless I followed what they say, who needs the Bible anyway?……..I want to be a clone….Steve Taylor

Then I started thinking more about life. Why wouldn’t God want to be apart of my everyday life?  Why do I have to conform and be like everyone else? What if that is where the freedom lies. What if we are still putting ourselves under some form of the law. I shouldn’t do this, or I can’t do that, or what will people say, or you better shape up because God is watching. Look busy cause Jesus is coming. So i dig this hole of shame because I really don’t believe that Jesus came to set me free. So I live under this guilt that others lay on me because they do not know how to walk in freedom either, so if i can’t be free, you shouldn’t be either. So this whole vicious cycle of the shame and blame game starts and i walk around feeling sorry for myself because I forgot that i am not under the law. So I can be quick to judge and I know what is right and what is wrong, because I don’t want to be free. Where is Eve, I need another bite of that apple.

 People get ready, For something like you’ve never seen,,,,Open up your eyes,,,Open up your heart,,,,Open up your arms,,,,And let the Spirit of the Savior set you free….Third Day

 

  • I am referring to the other person’s conscience, not yours. For why is my freedom being judged by another’s conscience? ….1 Corinthians 10:29
  •  Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom…2 Corinthians 3:17
  • It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery….Galatians 5:1

Is it real freedom when someone is trying to control you and manipulate you?  When someone judges your actions? When they think that they know what is best for you, without consulting you?  I am in a good place in my walk. I like to listen to a little rock and roll, watch a good movie and have a cold on once in a while, or more. I like to sleep in on Sunday mornings. Does all that mean I am a bad Christian? Who’s to say. I still talk to God and He talks back. I still depend on Him for life. I still pray quite often. I still need Him. I am still loved by Him. I received a couple of good compliments this week. One friend told me I was a rogue in the church. I took that as a compliment. I see things different, and maybe that is where the freedom lies. Two days later a friend told me this,”We aren’t built for the “church” we are built for the world that is afraid of the church, and for those who have been convinced that they have to have it all together to be effective ministers- that’s a load that no one needs to bear”. This all came after a dream I had.  So I think I am on the right track. So what is coming is going to make some church people kind of mad. That’s okay, because Jesus made those religious freaks mad all those years ago.

I’ve learned enough to stay afloat, but not so much I rock the boat. I’m glad they shoved it down my throat,,,,,,I want to be a clone….Steve Taylor

Your boat is going to be rocked……

 

 

 

Easy like Sunday morning….


 

At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, “Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?”

Jesus replied, “Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.

“The kingdom of God is like a king who decided to square accounts with his servants. As he got under way, one servant was brought before him who had run up a debt of a hundred thousand dollars. He couldn’t pay up, so the king ordered the man, along with his wife, children, and goods, to be auctioned off at the slave market.

I try to be an easy going kind of guy. I try to let a lot roll off my back and just take some crap from people. I may vent and blow off a little steam and then life goes on. After a while you get tired of taking crap.  What do you do. People don’t understand that two minutes someone unloaded on you and then in the next two minutes another person does and then it accumulates through out the day and you can hardly wait to lock yourself away in the funny farm.  Then people wonder why you feel stressed. you resort to little prayers and moments of solitude. I often wonder how you can believe in God, but still feel like you can control others. Mean while i have to ask for strength to hold back  from lashing out. It is not easy.

So forgiveness, i can do it but I have to admit I get tired of doing it over and over and over. I often wonder if people intentionally poke the bear to see of they will forgive. Is it a power struggle? Is it that they are lacking something in their own life?  Why do people try to make others miserable. I thought we are supposed to help each other. Sure I have to admit I have problems with people. I hate to seeing the way some treat others, use others, or take advantage of them. There is always a pecking order. Maybe it is just the fact it is Monday.

Toxic people, what do you do with them? Where do you draw the line? Why do we keep letting them in, you know that they are going to pull that crap again. Only with God can people change. It seems like I have a lot of problems with people. Maybe I am the one who is wrong. It seems like I am always the one with issues. What about when some one offends me, am i wrong or in the wrong Spirit? Why does it seem like I am always the one with the issues. What if they are wrong and I am not. What if I took what others in the wrong context, but you can tell by their actions, their body language, and the look on their face, that I am right. So you build a wall, it is just not worth getting attacked again.

Have you ever read, “The Final Quest”, by Rick Joyner, there is one time in his dream where the Christians were trying to climb the a mountain. There were some who helped others achieve their goal to get higher, and there were some Christians who seemed to help, but they had these demons puking on them. In turn they were puking on others and they didn’t even know it. I think this goes on more than a person knows. Just because you know who Jesus is it doesn’t mean the work is done. It is not one prayer then done. It takes work just like everything else. You need to put effort into it, you will only go as far as you are willing to pursue. Work out your salvation with fear and trembling.

Thanks for listening to me ramble, some provide good fodder for blogging and they don’t even know it. I will continue to forgive, but i will withdraw to a safe distance. Maybe even put up a wall. Why keep on getting stabbed. Is not life to short to keep getting burned? Some times you just give it all to God and let Him work it out.

my daylight saving rant…..


Daylight savings time. I hate it. Being forced to change your clocks. It seems like it goes against the laws of nature. Now my mind knows what time it is, but my body says it is a different time. If I go back to bed, I won’t be able to sleep tonight. I am stuck. Time, the one thing you never seem to have enough of. I have to think that time is more precious than money. You could always get more money, but you can never get more time. Once it is gone, it is gone. Then you spend some of your time trying to get more money. Then you end up spending your money having someone else do something for you, in order to save you some time. Are we really getting ahead here? You either have one or the other. What about wasting time, is there really such a thing? Why do we spend more time working, than I do at home. Well sure I spend eight hours sleeping, so it looks like I am at home more than I am at work. But it feels like I am at work more than I am at home. Then why is it that I only have a weekend off and have to work for a week? So I have to spend my time helping some people who are not even grateful in the first place. I also spend my time, making some one who I have never met, money so they can spend their time doing something that they enjoy more than work. This whole system seems backwards. You probably just spent five minutes of your time reading this rant.

It is not really a rant, it is more of an expression of how I see life. We spend our time making money and then we gamble that we will have enough to retire without dying first. Then we end up being to old to do anything, or too broke to be able to do anything. This all sounds like a boring and meaningless life to me. Why not enjoy life now. Why put up with crap to make a few pieces of paper with some numbers on. Oh, I need a house and a car and I need heat and water and electricity. I need that big television that feeds me nothing but crap, and a big chair to sit in so I am comfortable insisting more time. I need the internet to write a blog that someone else will waste their time reading.  Gee, I hope my blogs aren’t a waste of time. I guess how you spend your time is important to you. We are all allotted twenty-four hours in a day. We probably sleep for eight, if you are lucky. We may work for eight, so that leaves you eight hours for yourself. What are you going to do with that time?  Make sure you spend it wisely. It seems like life is short enough and goes by to quickly. There is never enough time to do the things I want to do. I have to take vacation to do what I want to do. Which is nothing. I like to do a lot of nothing. I like to go with the flow, and I am not talking about society either. To be free spirited, to have the freedom to come and go as you please.

So don’t waste your time worrying, or living in anxiety. It is just not worth it. It can make your time here shorter. Take time for yourself. Do something you enjoy. You have the right to be happy. God created you to enjoy life. Get rid of those things that make you miserable. Get away from people who suck the life out of you.  God did not say to go off and enjoy your misery. He said to have joy. I want to live in joy. I want to spend my time being happy. So if you are not happy or crabby, keep that over there. Don’t be bringing that negative crap into my space. It seems that we spend so much time caught up in the world, that we forget that we are all spiritual beings trying to find our way through this life. We get mad when someone inconveniences us, or won’t help or spends our time for us. Is it just me or do people not take the time to see the needs in others, or even get a sense of how they tick. I feel that people know me, but they really don’t know me. They know just what they want to know on the surface and that is it. I enjoy those who take the time to really know you. That is time well spent. I have taken time over the years and read and reread some of the same bible stories over and over. I wonder what they were thinking and how they felt. We live in the a world were taking the time to go deeper with people has been replace with surface feelings. Where using people to benefit our own needs has become normal. The art of conversation, has it died? If you are just going to talk about yourself, your exploits, or how great you are, that is not conversation. That is just boasting. As an introvert, that is boring. Small talk can just suck the life out of me and i feel like it is a waste of time.

What you do with your time is your business. What goals and dreams you have is what you will spend your time on. What seems to be important to you is where you will spend your time. Life is short, pursue what is in your heart. God only knows how much time we have here so spend it wisely.  I do have eternity to look forward to.

If you are one,, be one


This morning when i was in the shower, yes I shower, I was thinking about change. How Paul went from holding the coats of those who stoned Steven, to having an encounter with Jesus, to being the man of God he turned out to be. Talk about a heart  change. God said that He would change our hearts, remove our heart of stone and give us a softer gentler heart. I have to think that this new heart would reflect the Father. One of compassion, loving, one that would change who we are from the inside out. One that would remove our selfish desires, my all about me attitude, or my I am better than everyone else way of thinking. One that would make me want to be humble and become more Christ like. At times I think I am become more like Him and times my old ugly self can rear it’s head and want to make waves like you have never seen. Sometimes it is good to just keep your mouth shut.

I admire Paul though. He did not use his position with God to get ahead. He ended up in prison, which was no picnic. He thought of others and his life with Christ more than anything. Here we are in the twenty first century and I kind of feel sorry for us as humans. It seems we will go to great lengths to get ahead, or set ourselves above others. People use Christianity  to justify everything. Abuse grace like it is commodity on the stock market.  I have seen abuse by those who call themselves Christians. It actually turns me off. I think we should all expose our hearts. Where are you truly at?  What have you allowed God to touch to change in you? Who are you in Christ? I have areas in my life that I still struggle with. I want these areas to have a road to Damascus experience. There are things in my heart that are hidden, like some secret closet, that i want Jesus to come touch, but I won’t because I am to afraid of what might happen. I am afraid. I really don’t know Jesus like I want too. Is fear keeping me away? Then there are days where the spirit just flows in waves of love and compassion, up and down on an ocean of favor.

I know that walking with God is a life long adventure of change. There is always someone who comes along and gives advice and tries to tell you how you should be, what you should think and how you should act. What if God just wants us to be ourselves. To be Brothers and sisters in Him, with no strings attached. A life with peace and harmony. Maybe I am just a dreamer. Maybe I expect more out of those who say they are Christians. I don’t want to be a part time Follower of Christ. I want people to come along side,  to encourage. I want to be the man that God is calling me to be. I am tired of having the life sucked out of me by those who only pretend. Is it to much to ask that people would quit thinking of themselves and what’s in it for themselves. What if we build up instead of tear down. What if we promote instead of dominate. What if we are okay with coming in second instead of first all the time. What if it is truly okay to make a mistake without fear of judgement by someone. What if it is truly okay to show Jesus to others.

I feel like I have been on a fast track to nowhereville. I have been selfish and judgmental. I have hidden myself away and lived in fear because it is much easier than dealing with people. I have judged and thought of a million ways to revenge others actions. I am selfish and self centered and I am tired of being this way. At times it can hurt to be real and I have avoided it. I am sorry if I have been offensive and belittled any of you. Forgive me for my unloving acts. I truly do love each one of you and cannot wait to spend eternity with you.

is there anybody out there?…..


There are mornings i wake and I am thankful for a good night sleep. Then there are other nights where i wrestle between the hours of 2:30 and 3:30 just hoping to get a little more sleep. The things I can think about are outrageous.  The battle over work paperwork can be overwhelming only to realize that was just a battle for my dream life. To find out what was trying to keep me awake was utter nonsense and not even remotely close to being true.  The paranoia can feel paralyzing and fearful.  Then the battle is back on as i roll over and try to get some more sleep, counting the hours I have left until that drone of the alarm clock startles me out of a deep sleep.  The nights I do get a good sleep, my internal world is vivid and alive with action that makes my daytime life seem quite boring. Dreams of constructing big buildings to being released from prison to many other adventures. I am sure they all have some sort of meaning or God is trying to tell me something. I wonder if I am missing something during the day. Why don’t I have visions. Is my life with God just limited to the time I sleep?  I need a little more than that.

So here I am in my own little world, trying to make the best of it. Everyday is a new challenge and I wonder if this is for me. Where is God in all this and when is the real adventure going to begin. When is it going to be my turn, and is this as good as it gets. Well I could sit here and say, at least I’m not in prison anymore, or I did survive that motorcycle accident, or I did have some good coffee today.  Is this the life that I chose for myself. To hide away in my house and go to bed at nine o’clock. I raised my kid and now I am done. I find myself wondering, who are my friends and what happened to all those people I used to go to church with? Is having more than a couple of friends too complex for me, and why do only a couple of dozen people comment on my facebook posts. I can post a couple of interesting pictures and get a million likes, but be real and tell them how I feel and all i hear are crickets.  Hey I can be just as spiritual as the next guy. Post a couple of verses, a spiritual meme or two and I am right up there with the big boys. Whoever they are. I could pretend everything is all right, when it is not. Who really has life by the balls and things are going their way. It seems like that behind everything that goes good for me, there is something waiting around the corner to squash that good feeling.

So I am thinking about my relationship with God. At times I wonder if I can even call it one. I pray and ask for guidance and help almost daily if not hourly. It seems like every time I turn around, there I am asking for help. Today He reminded, “remember when you prayed about that a couple of months ago, I’ve got it, so why are you worrying now?”. People would think I am a pain in the butt. I can hear them saying;  “There he goes praying about something, or can’t he get his shit together, or why does that guy have so many issues.” Then God is sitting there, “that’s right, bring it to me, I can take care of it if you just let me, there is no problem to big or to small that I can not handle”.  I think God likes it that I feel like I always have some mess. He likes to help me with all this stuff. He knows I am not perfect and never expects me to be.  There are times I would like to have good days. I would like to see myself the way God does. To feel the love that He has for me. His love does not have any strings attached. I hate pretending to be something that I am not. To put on a mask and pretend that I am fine. If I was only as awesome as I feel in my dreams. A mighty man of God I am there, knowing the schemes of the enemy, casting out demons with a flick of the wrist and dispelling doubt with waves of truth. In the kingdom, I am someone special. Here on earth, i am not sure of who I am. A world full of titles and I am only happy with a couple of them. My favorite is friend of God.

So here I sit, pecking away at some keys on my computer. Hoping that tonight will be a wondrous, restful adventure in my sleep. A whirl wind of adventure where things go right and I feel like I win for a change. In no way am I saying my life is bad. I keep myself sheltered like a good introvert should. I keep my guard up and I am always watching and perceiving. I know more than I care to admit. If scars and mistakes count as knowledge, then I am a lot wiser than I let on. If you think I am the fool, then you are mistaken. There is more to me than I let on.  I have a thirst for beer and a Heart for God. I can Love God with a passion that can only be filled by Him.  You can come along side and join me, or watch from afar, tomorrow is a new adventure that is filled with joy from above. It is all in how you look at it and in who you serve. Graham once said,”what you think about most is where your heart is, and that is your God”. I choose to think about my friends, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and Papa, more than anything.

it’s ok…no one reads this anyway…


 

Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you’ll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.

And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That’s a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God. It’s because of this kind of thing that God is about to explode in anger. It wasn’t long ago that you were doing all that stuff and not knowing any better. But you know better now, so make sure it’s all gone for good: bad temper, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk……Colossians 3:4-8

Yesterday was an interesting day to me. We cleaned house, as we do almost every weekend. Then we started talking about our house. Our house is seventy some years old. I have replaced things here and there, but we were talking about windows and how twenty windows I replaced three of them and a couple of years ago i replaced two and how they don’t match. As in brand. They are all painted white and look okay to me. My wife meant it one way and I took it a different way. I took it as the work I did was a complete waste of time. That it was no good. I took it personally and it hurts my feelings when someone degrades what I have done. I am a sensitive guy and I tend to take things personally. When things go wrong, I feel like it is my fault. That old shame on you rears it’s ugly head and waves of anger and guilt wash over you. My whole life I have felt like it is my fault.  Am i saying all this to get sympathy or attention?  Is this the old me that needs to die off. Can I have my feelings and be lovable, or should i hide my feelings away and just be a yes man?  Maybe something is truly wrong with me. Maybe i need therapy.  For the life of me I cannot figure out why God wired me this way.

 No one knows what it’s like,    To be the bad man,To be the sad man,  Behind blue eyes…

Being introverted, I think I live in my own little world. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it can get beat up pretty easily. I can take things personally and it will wreck me. I search for hidden agendas in peoples words and actions. I can take offense pretty easy and I am hurt when I feel left out or neglected. I can care with a passion, but when that care gets used and abused, i can lose interest. Most of all I am afraid I will lose a relationship with God. I will miss what He has in store for me, or misunderstand His intention or meaning. I know He has my best intentions in mind and is always looking out for me, but I just feel like I am missing it. Oh, sorry you are just a little late on that one,we will catch you next time around.  You are just a little short again. maybe I am a little weird. I just missed the blessing boat by ten minutes. Now that you have been to prison, you have to spend the rest of your life doing things the hard way. No soup for you.

 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

I know that His Spirit is within me. We are friends and then some. I know that I am a work in progress, and so is everyone else. The should be an abundant load of grace that we pour out on each other. There should also be the freedom to be ourselves. The grace to have feelings, to be cared for, to be thankful for what we have. To just enjoy life. Not to be hindered by another person’s thoughts or ideology. Just because a person thinks life should be a certain way, does that mean it is true? Is there freedom to be me anymore? Should I just become a mindless drone and cave into the way that society thinks I should be. A non feeling, non caring mindless twit looking for his next hand out. I think not. I am going to be the person that God has created me to be, warts and all. I guess I am just that guy who needs attention, a pat on the back, and some encouragement. A person who hates to feel neglected, but doesn’t want the spot light to be shining on my self. I just want to live a good life. I just want to be me.

I’m just sayin….


“I am still as strong today as the day Moses sent me out; I’m just as vigorous to go out to battle now as I was then.” Caleb…Joshua 14:11

Whoever said life would be easy needs to have their but kicked, or they just roll over and give in. I do not know about you but I still have fight left in me. Sometimes you just get tired of crap and it explodes out of you. You vent, then regret and shame sets in. I am down here on this earth just trying to do the best I can. I do not have many answers. So what do you do, wake up and thank God for another day and move on. You try and smile and make the best of every situation. You can not please everyone. People will come and try to rain on your parade and you just have to let them. They do not know how it effects you and for the most part don’t care. As long as they get what they want and have their needs met.

I am not always okay. My mind can run off into a thousand different tangents and i would still not have the right answer. Being patient is not really one of my strong points. I have been learning to wait on the Lord and usually it works out. That is very hard to do when you are in the moment.

So what does it really mean to be Christ like? To follow Christ. To take His yoke upon you. …“All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls…..Matthew 11:27-29..

I feel like I have been weary and burdened for years. I am always worrying about something and afraid something will go wrong.  I worry about who is my friend and who is not. I am a bundle of nerves caught up in a nightmare of stressful worry. No wonder I am prematurely grey. There is so much pressure in this lifetime it is a wonder I am not crazier than I seem.

Yet there is a hope.  What if God truly cares, what if He really does forgive, what if this is just all a temporary stop on my way to Eternity. What if this endless striving to work through my lot in life has purpose and meaning. What if I did make a difference. What if people were genuinely interested. What if people really did love me just the way that I am and all this bitterness and resentment that I carry around is just  blocking me from being the person who God made me to be. What if the that is the true battle. To fight off all the lies that formulated in your mind and you believed them to be truth. What if you are really doing better than you give yourself credit for. What if you just stopped and was grateful for what you have in life.

I am not here to battle endlessly for something I cannot reach. To have high and lofty expectations to just please some one elses dream.  I like straight answers. Nobody listens anyway. Do people really care about the way others feel. I just get tired of hearing what is wrong. What if everything is alright and my interpretation of it is wrong. What if life is really good and we are meant to enjoy what we have and those around us. What if we should just get out and overlook what we perceive to be someone’s faults, and encourage them. I know I like being encouraged more than being discouraged.

What really is a good day?


Sometimes I wonder what it is like to have a good day. What I mean by that is having things go your way. A good day at work, some good news, or something really positive happen. Just to have a good overall, put a smile on your face kind of day. The wind at your back and the sun in your face. A day when what’s stolen is returned. A day where you don’t have to listen to people’s  self indulged, all about me stories. A day when some is ready to give, rather than take. A day when unexpected blessings are just poured out on you. A day when you get to put a smile on someone elses face.  A day where greed and unselfishness will rule the day. I am not asking to win the lottery here, but a day where those who say they are in Jesus to actually show it. The only thing we are really promised, is eternity. I just want a day with confidence, a day where I feel good about myself and what I am doing. A day where I am not fighting off the past, or haunted about problems, or attacked in my sleep about anxieties. A day of not fighting off the pain. A day of freedom, a day free from worry. A day free from over thinking and analyzing. A day free from dread. I just want to have a good day.

If is was rich, that would not really solve any problems. It would just give me more to worry about. If I didn’t have to work, that would just make me fatter and lazier. If I had all the friends in the world, I would probably go crazy. I can’t please everyone, and i would go crazy over analyzing every conversation, and I would think that they would have alternative motives when it comes to friendship, so therefore I would become skeptical and untrusting. I have a hard enough time trusting now the way it is. Oh, if you have earned my trust, fell fortunate, I just don’t hand that out like Halloween candy. I am just tired of people dishing out too many wtf moments. If faith in humanity  was used to get me in to heaven, I would fail. I am not very good at loving my neighbor. It is hard when it is just a one way street.

Any way enough of that. I am looking forward to everyday. Every night I get a chance to try to sleep. Some days are good and some nights are good. I can wake up with a hope in Jesus, a thankfulness that I have another day. A gladness that I am aware that God is with me, or I am with Him is more like it. Everyday He is faithful. He cares about the little things in my life. He listens to my prayers and I can hear Him. Some people should be thankful that He is my guide. He helps me practice restraint of saying or acting how I really feel about what I may perceive as injustice. Life will never seem like it is fair. It is funny to me how some prosper and some have the hard road. I feel sorry for those who always think that they have it so good. I think to myself, what are they hiding. Without Christ I am nothing and then there are those who think that they are something without Him. I need God everyday, I do not know what life would be like without Him. I do not want to find out either. If people only knew. I just want to get through life and hear well done good and faithful servant. I am sure He is not going to ask me about how much money I made.  I think about God a lot, who I am in Him, what are we doing today, and how much I depend on Him. I am afraid at times that I will mess up this relationship and afraid that He will say depart, I do not know you. Then there are other times He floods me with love, and bombards my dreams with hope and a future. He can entice me to no end and put a hunger in me that can not be satisfied until it is pursued. He can put such a love in caring in me and help me through just every day life. There is no one else like that. He can also in a loving way keep me humble and dependent on Him.

I don’t know if people interact with God like I do? If they have a reverence and awe like I do.  If their passion is a flame or a spark. Is their pursuit of God a one day thing, or do they think they have arrived? I hunger for Him, his word, prophecies, a Godly encouragement. Those are the wealth I seek after. I feel at times I just have to let things go and leave some to their own devices. I want the best for some, but they will not have anything to do with it. I guess sometimes you just shake the dust off your feet and move on. For those that are out there that don’t have nothing to do with God, who think that it’s all about them, who try to puke all their crap upon me,,,,He’s coming to get you and He is relentless in His pursuit. I am going to have good days. Sure the enemy may come in and try to rob, kill and destroy, but my God prepares a feast before my enemies. And I am hungry.