Let the midnight special, shine a light on me..

I am finding that the hardest thing to do is to step away from the computer. Everywhere you turn you see the same old thing. Everyone has an opinion how things should be. At times i can’t even think straight. The world is getting weirder everyday. Riots here, protests there, this town is burning, that town is burning and so on. Wear your mask or you’ll get the plague. conform to society even if you don’t want to. The virus is causing our business to lose money, guess what, you’re fired. We need to let you go, so others can keep their job. Then you think you’ll get unemployment and that is not going as expected. As my wife said two steps forward and three steps back. when you think it is going good, something comes along and kicks you in the crotch and says, not today, you can’t get ahead. then is steam rolls into a bunch of petty things and you are on the edge of madness. The dog barking at 5 am, or the shade not working, or just something as simple as putting something on the shelf in the garage. FYI, don’t wear your flip flops while getting on a step ladder, your toes will catch on the edge of the ladder, the ladder will tip over while your toe stays in the same place. uffda…

It’s not only that, it’s other things that go on in your mind.  You wonder if you’ll find work, what am i going to do now, will i pick the right thing? then you find you don’t know what to do with yourself. sure there are projects, but you find you cannot spend the money like you used to. So you are on a budget. You find things that you can do that take up your time, like playing Nintendo, you can only do that for a short time and then you feel guilty for wasting half your day. My wife is good at finding me things to do. i have done more cleaning and laundry in the last two months than ever. Sometimes i just don’t feel like doing anything. I am very good at sitting here and feeling sorry for myself. riding a wild train of thought from to people like me, to what do people think to God are you still there. I do get plenty of exercise everyday, walking the dog to wrestling with doubt and self worth to painting the house, just the other day i think i made twenty trips up and down the stairs. I am not a train wreck, it just feels that way some days. Little things give me anxiety and i find myself doing a lot of deep sighing lately.  I think i asked God for a suddenly moment, and this is not what i expected. I have to admit i do not miss the stress and anxiety that came from that last position. I told God that i just wanted to be happy. I get to go to the dentist again.

In all i shouldn’t really complain. I am not dead, i have a house and food to eat. I have God in my life, or at times i think i do.  It’s like hey God, i am down here, can you see me? I am the one jumping up and down trying to get you attention. Oh you do see me? Can you help me with this next phase of my life? I really don’t have a clue to what i am doing. I am afraid if i do do something, i will make a mess of it and i will again have to ask for more help. So i guess i am just waiting. The world wants you to stay busy, it’s like look, Jesus is coming we better get busy doing the right thing. Whatever that may be. What if God really does have everything under control. What if really does want to be your provider. To provide manna in the desert, or be an oasis in the tough times to give you a cool drink. What if we are just making, trust God, harder than it really should be? i know that i can run off in a thousand different tangents in my mind and none of them will be correct. I think, i think too much. Too much time on my hands. I am okay, or i think i am okay, How do you know?  what do you compare it to? who’s to say? Am i crazy? I long for days when life was simple, when i thought i had friends, where did all those people go?  *Disclaimer*,,there is nothing wrong with us, this is just things i think about***. I had to add that in there, sometimes it helps to just get things out of your head.

What will the future bring? Who knows, i am just thankful every day that i wake up. i want to be in a good mood, but it doesn’t always happen. God is still up there and His throne, building a place for us to live. I am just down here trying to get it right, whatever that looks like. It would be funny when I get to heaven and old St. Peter really does say that what we thought was sin, or what we thought was wrong really didn’t matter.  We will find out that politics and power and prestige really didn’t matter. How much money i had in the bank, or what kind of house i lived in, what kind of car i drove, clothes i wore, or what i had for supper. How much energy i wasted to try to look good, or be liked. What really mattered was that I loved God and I loved others.The world will make you happy for a very fleeting moment, then it will fade away and you will be looking for that next moment, but God will make you happy for eternity  with an everlasting joy.  Some days i just need a spiritual hug, a pat on the back and some reassurance that it will all work out fine. today is one of those days.

 

i wonder why…..

I don’t understand why we go through things in life. Why life altering changes happen. Why it has to be so stressful, well at least in my mind anyway. Why is it the hard way. Why do people have to be difficult. What is the purpose of all this. Why is it hard to be happy. Why is it no one understands, Why do we get up and do it day after day after day? This is not what i envisioned life to be like when i was younger. the why question never gets answered here on earth. I ask god what is going on and i hear silence. yet everyday i get up and put my trust in God and try again. am i winning or losing. Does it really matter what i do as long as i still trust God. Does he trust me. How can you ask for help in one breath and in the next stumble through the darkness. How can a double minded man be trusted. What are we really doing here. Why is it such a difficult time. why now?

Pandemic, social unrest, political wars, what is the purpose of all this. Life was going along fine and then you get blindsided and have to move into survival mode. I want to vote myself off the island and have some peace. Why is the peace of God so hard to find. all that goes on in the world right now is giving me anxiety, why? Shouldn’t i be trusting god’s plan? Why i don’t even know what it is half the time. it seems like i am running through life, unsure what is even going on. Am i doing the right thing, do i even know what i am doing and can i be sure that i even make the right choices? What is going on?How does one really make themselves happy? it is only a temporary thing and then it fades and you end up looking for something else to fill that void. Heck i can’t remember the last time i was really happy. A good day for me is too just make it from sunrise to sunset. I should be happy with that. There is always something or someone out to steal your joy, why do we let them? why do we give the power of our feelings to others? why why why?

It is time to take back and to fight for what is rightfully ours. it is time to say to the enemy no more. Why? because i belong to God. Everyday i have to remind myself, hoping that i will get it right. Whatever getting it right means.  God please give me the strength to get through another day. A day of deadlines, spreadsheets, conference calls and people who are not willing to take responsibility for their own actions. A day where the world doesn’t shut up enough to listen to someone else.  Again Lord I thank you for another day where if it wasn’t for your grace and mercy, i don’t know how else we would survive.

yes i wrote this

There’s a day coming where we can go outside without a mask on. The Lone Ranger would not like that. A day when the stress will be gone. A day where we can get close to our loved ones, where we can great each other with a hug and a Holy kiss. these are strange times indeed.  I have never believed i would see such a thing as this. No toilet paper or fresh hamburger. Where we plan our meals so we can have an abundance of leftovers for the week. Work, who would believe that i of all people would be an essential employee. On the front lines, delivering medical equipment to those that are in need. It all doesn’t seem real. This is not how i imagined it would be. Sure who doesn’t enjoy an end of the world movie, a disaster flick. action and adventure around every corner, one perilous catastrophe after another, with a nick of time escape. What do we do, sit at the window and watch our neighbors get close to each other. Wondering when this unseen enemy is going to strike.

In the mix of it all we are at the time of Easter. The time when the Lord thought of us and our freedom. How he takes care of us. I am amazed that i and my wife are ones to continue working. He has supplied us with an abundance of necessities. My wife couponed for years and created a stock pile, i feel like God started to meet our needs way back then. He nudged us to go shopping and load up our freezers twice before all this took place. He still continues to meet our needs. Showing us where to cut back, and what we do have. We have a home, electricity, running water and so on. I think he even put the right people in place for such a time as this.

At times i feel so undeserving or worried or stressed. you never know what’s around each corner or when the next shoe is going to drop. Stress and worry are just cheap budget items from hell anyway. Why not choose to be happy and joyful, be thankful. there is so much that is out of our control. I feel like part of being a christian is for such a time as this. to instill hope, to encourage and to pray. I can see how easy it would be to fall into the enemies hands and his traps. We need each other more than ever, and we need to support and encourage one another, daily.  I know i like to hear good things about myself, who doesn’t. I am easily stress and have this habit of worrying. Anxiety is not too far behind either. I am not sure when they started coming around, but it seems like they have been there a long time. Yes, i am also insecure. what a lethal combination. it would drive most people crazy, and i probably do. There are good days too.

That’s probably why God invaded my life one day. He knew that i would need Him. and then some. I wasn’t much of a challenge for God’s brilliance.  He just showed up one night at a small church i went to and said, I choose you and now you are mine. The next week in worship He revealed himself to me, I will never forget the vision i had. The Lord hovered right above me and it was so real. I just worshiped even more. he never said get your act together and follow me, come as you are, you are just right. So i did. Then i think i got thrown into a closet and beaten up, and i think i am still getting beat up. It’s like how much longer are going to do this god thing. one trial after another, at times i can forget what joy is or what it is like to be happy. i just shake my head and wonder why. I go to bed and hope for a goodnight’s sleep and sometimes i get woken up and work invades my thoughts, it’s times like this i just turn to prayer, sometimes it helps me to get back to sleep. i love the nights that i dream deep colorful dreams. dreams with meaning and purpose behind them. I hope they are from God.  A lot of dreams about building. i am not sure what is going on, but i trust God. who else has life and hope.

Just so you know, you are doing a good job, you do matter and you are important. God has you and he won’t let you go. sure there are going to be tough days, but there is more good days coming. Mercy and grace are going to follow you all of the days of your life. You are loved and nothing can take that away.

Fear….I am sick of it

That’s right, I am sick of fear and the way it is being spread. I can’t believe how many are falling for it. Everywhere you go it is being talked about. well how about this, Fear the Lord your God, work out your salvation with fear and trembling….

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand….Isaiah 41:10

You will laugh at destruction and famine, and need not fear the wild animals….Job 5:22

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea…..Psalm 46:2

Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil…..Proverbs 3:7

I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him…..Ecclesiastes 3:14

“Do not call conspiracy everything this people calls a conspiracy; do not fear what they fear, and do not dread it….Isaiah 8:12

Should you not fear me?” declares the Lord. “Should you not tremble in my presence? I made the sand a boundary for the sea, an everlasting barrier it cannot cross. The waves may roll, but they cannot prevail; they may roar, but they cannot cross it….Jeremiah 5:22

The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”…..Romans 8:15

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love….1 John 4:18

So do not fear, do not bit on the lies of fear or you will be sucked into their trap and worry and anxiety will set in. i just watched a video where people were buying up all the toilet paper.  I have never seen this much fear spread so fast. you can’t watch television of go on facebook without seeing something, it’s spreading like wild fire. so many have bitten onto it. it kinda makes me angry. Just stop and say a prayer and trust Jesus. He cares about your needs more than you do. There will be plenty of toilet paper to go around.

2 Corinthians 3:17

I was tired of being told who i should be, how i should be. Trying to be molded into someone’s vision of what i should be. Being told how to act, what to say, how to think, Being put on a scale and judged on a curve with my peers.  Just wanting to explore life on my own, discovery, an adventure on what life is like. Not to be put into some box and to conform to what others say or do or think. A chance to walk in the freedom that is in my mind and in my heart. In a world where it is okay to make mistakes without being punished. How i have such hatred for being controlled and manipulated. I have played long enough and have the wisdom to see through the charades. There is no freedom in being controlled and manipulated. When freewill is taken away, there is no freedom. we are all broken in one way or another. when you try to control out of your own brokenness you make it much worse. Rebellion sets in.

So one day Jesus, God, and The Holy Spirit are sitting around and they knew that the world they would create would turn into chaos. And So they devised a plan to redeem the world. They knew that they could not force their creation to love them, so they gave freewill. a choice. First we rebelled and fought and chose our own way, thinking we knew what was best. Keeping what we thought we needed and refusing what God knew we needed. Day by day we made it worse. Sort of a form of running away, which in my mind was the answer that i thought was best, and probably still do to this day. Where would i go, how far could i get, how will i survive on .53 cents. I hated it, i just wanted to run into the arms of someone who loved me. The turmoil that went through my mind was terrible, weighing the risk against the punishment was exciting. Meanwhile Jesus is waiting in the wings, ever watching knowing that His time would come, when he would come knocking. Let’s let this boy run his course, he says to one of his angels, he will need to learn and make a choice later on. You see it is all about choice. When the time was right, i wanted God and he came in. He didn’t force his way in, i invited him in. He came in and life was grand. Until i started going deeper and it felt like i was thrown into a closet and beaten up. That is where you learn and grow up in Christ, and you realize that his comfort is soothing and loving.

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5

Yet everyday i feel like someone is trying to burden you. Do it this way or do it that way, i know what is best for you, buy this, eat that, look like this, don’t do that, everyone is a telemarketer on how you should live your life. Conform to this world and you will be happy. That’s just the opposite of what Jesus says. There are many pharisees out there. Many do as i say, not as i do people. I have been guilty of that.

“For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope  that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.” Romans 8

“I am referring to the other person’s conscience, not yours. For why is my freedom being judged by another’s conscience?” 1 Corinthians 10:29
“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” 2 Corinthians 3:17

Where the Lord is that is where the freedom is, that is where i want to stand. God is in my heart and nothing can take that away. Being with God has got to be the biggest adventure i have been on. I may be wasting away on the outside, the world inside my heart and in my mind is vibrant and alive. No one can take that away. The battle is real and only in Christ Jesus can it be won. Keep winning……

 

I’ve always been mad, I know I’ve been mad, Like the most of us, very hard to explain why you’re mad, Even if you’re not mad…

Joe's Garage Logic

And the men who hold high places,,,Must be the ones who start….To mold a new reality…..Closer to the heart …RUSH

Who are are leaders now days? Who is willing to stand up and fight, to say enough is enough? Who has a fight still in them? It is time to stand up and say it. God isn’t going to fight all your battles. The battle field is horrific, there is till evil out there. Who is going to get up and say, “I am as mad as hell and i’m not going to take it anymore.”

What are willing to take on? God has equipped you with what you need. He is looking for those who are willing to stand up for injustices. Pick something and pray. There are a million different things to take on, from abortion to whatever. It is time to be down going to a church…

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The Night before Christmas, my way

Twas the night of Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring and this year i trapped thirteen mouse.

We started the year with a full house of co workers and ended with two,  the work piled on, i did not know what to do.

Frustration and stress came with a shout, i searched the want ads trying to get out.

I plowed through each day hoping to survive, i wondered if i would get out alive.

Crabby people coming in the store and calling on the phone, being an introvert, i just wanted to be alone.

My mask is leaking and my cpap is broke, they thought they were going to die and this was no joke.

They would use guilt and shame to get their own way, fear and intimidation was the game they would play.

I would try different things to keep me from going insane, their constant nagging was racking my brain, all i could hear was the way the would complain.

Being on call and running from town to town, my tooth was broken and would i need a crown?

I would talk to my wife and she would hear what i would say, little did i know that she would secretly pray.

I turned to Jesus, where else can you go, to my delight the light started to show.

Sure it was hard and the enemy would fight, i felt like i was losing my might.

I would worship Him at work when it got tough, then i realized that was not enough.

I would stir at night wide awake and feel like i am in a fight, i would cry out to Jesus to help me through the night.

Peace would come at the dawn of the day, i would drink my coffee, talk to God and be on my way.

Joy would soon come and i was going to be happy, no longer were my days going to be crappy.

I would get going to work worshiping all along the way, that i was thankful to God to have another day.

I want to be happy and have a big smile, I knew joy would come in a while.

Troubles will come and troubles will go, in them God’s power will show.

Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kind, it is your learning and teaching that God has in mind.

God allows in his wisdom what he can prevent by his power, His grace and mercy will shine in your greatest hour.

Lessons were learned and boundaries were laid, I am here because of the price Jesus paid.

I am God’s treasure that he loves so dear, The only thing He asks that I would keep Him near.

When i get to heaven i will finally see, a special place that Jesus has prepared for me.

Jesus is my friend and He wants you to know, that you are very important to him and how he loves you so……

introverts

Introvert, what a concept. Avoiding small talk, inspecting the aisles at the store, hoping to avoid people that we might know. Battling anxiety and stress around every corner. Playing scenarios of conversations that may never happen in my mind over and over and over. Dreaming up wild things in my mind of problems that will never happen.  Making plans and then regretting them later. Replaying the bad things that i have gone through over and over in my head, maybe hoping for a different outcome or possibly a clue to why it went that way. Shame and guilt attacking from every angle trying to make me more miserable. Listening to the same songs over and over until i can’t take it anymore. Or the constant beeping noise from a forklift backing up can set me over the edge and having your wife trying to talk you down because she knows that this drives you crazy. Striving for perfection when you know it will never happen and disappointed when it doesn’t happen. Looking for clues to who we are in books, music, and television or movies. Going through life wondering what our purpose is who we are and what the heck is going on. Our minds ever racing with thoughts details and moments that no one else takes the time to see. Looking for people to cling to who we hope understands and rejecting them when they don’t. looking for those who love us and not believing those who say they do. Seeing if the actions fit the motive. people say a lot, but watch what they do and how they do it. People say one thing but do another and when i catch them at it, hold that memory in you mind until next time. Always look for encouragement and affirmation, always feeling like you are wrong or will never do well enough. these are all the things racing through your mind at the same time. always seeing and perceiving and wonder if you can trust. there things you commit to, throw yourself all in and hope you made the right choice.

Then one day some guy invites you to church, Jesus calls your name and you see and feel things that you cannot explain. the road is narrow and tough. At times it feels like God throws you in the closet and beats you up. Are you still going to follow me, can you endure, no one says it will be easy. You wonder if you did the right thing. did i really get my heart of stone change for a heart of flesh. there is a small spark, you trudge on, am i winning, it doesn’t feel like it, then there are set backs and struggles and accidents and things shift and you are still trying to praise God and look for meaning. You keep asking why, but it never gets answered. you just learn to trust. at times it is the hardest thing to do, you trust and it gets harder and harder. you wonder if it is really worth it. is this it for me? is this my life? i have come this far to deal with this. when there is an equation with people, plus their opinions plus the desires it equals disaster  for those on the receiving end. it just drives that introvert nail in deeper and deeper. I keep asking God why? I just end up feeling like Gideon, worshiping God in the middle of the enemies camp, but this time there is no prophecy of round loaves of bread. Yet we endure because he is greater in me than he that is in the world. I still don’t know who i am or what my purpose is. I don’t know why i struggle or why i have anxiety, they just seem like they are always there. if i could have them surgically removed i would. I don’t think that people understand what it is like to be introverted. we are not lepers. there are social things that i do enjoy doing. i do appreciate one on one conversations, deep ones at that. i have to recharge sometimes. when it is quiet and i am alone, that works for me. God wired me like this for a reason, He needed someone like me on this earth for a reason, and i guess it is okay if i don’t find out until the end. i am fine………

Basic instructions before leaving Earth…..

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.  Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son….John 3. Just believe, sometimes i struggle with this and have to ask God to help me with my unbelief. it is easy to doubt, but at times hard to believe.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.  This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible…Hebrews 11. Ah yes faith, God has everything under control, He allows in his wisdom what he can easily prevent by his power. G Cooke.  what more can i say, he knows more about me than i even know about myself. He knows what is best, if i will take the time to listen. so have some faith, he knows what you are going to do and choose before you even do it. 

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins,  in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient.  All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath,  But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.  And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus,  in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.  For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.”…Ephesians 2. I think i make this grace thing harder than it really should be. It is not freedom to sin, but a freedom to know that God loves you where you are at, you are not ever going to earn your way into heaven, you don’t get gold stars or merit badges, no trophies for being the best christian ever, you reward is eternal and it is Jesus. i know that i am his and he is mine. I will continue to make mistakes and screw up and have bad days, but the grace is tomorrow i get a chance to try again, a redo because God knows what a mess i am and the Holy Spirit loves it, because it is fertile ground to plant a good crop. 

Mercy: compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm.,,,”Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.  Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen….1 Timothy 1:15-17.    Once you have tasted grace and mercy, you cannot escape them, it will follow you all of your days. It is not what we deserve, but god who is compassionate , slow to anger and rich in love, can’t help but pour this into the very core of our being,

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you…..Colossians 3:13. Forgiveness, now that’s a tough one. we have been wronged, we want revenge, an eye for an eye and so on. it takes a big heart to ask for forgiveness and a bigger one to give it in love.  There is more freedom in forgiving than a person thinks.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. …1 Corinthians 13.  Why is love the hardest one. easy to give but yet hard to receive.   what a concept love is, love each other, your enemies, it keeps no track of right or wrongs, love God, love yourself. Take a chance, accept some love, give some love, why is it so hard to say i love you and just has hard to believe it? i think that it is thrown around so nonchalantly that it is not really believed. we sing about and hear about it but do we ever practice it, i am not that good at it.

so the basic instructions before leaving earth is,  believe, have faith,  grace and mercy, forgiveness and love. do the best you can with what you have and don’t be afraid to ask for more. practice practice practice. God will give you what you need and then some. sometimes in the least expected places and with the least expected people. Go on, you can do it, God has the utmost confidence in you, after all He is in you and all this is already in your heart, just waiting to come out, you hold the key.

 

 

Monday…….

I may look at life a little different than some. I often wonder what are your hopes, your dreams, your goals. What do you want to be when you grow up? Nobody takes time to talk about such things. We are in a hurry to get through are busy days. To get what we need and never giving a thought about the other guy. As life is passing me by, i think about the hopes and dreams i gave up on just to get this far. Now i feel like i am too old to have anymore. I don’t know what to do. i am happy to just have a good bowel movement and a good night sleep. Get through another day at work and go home. Life goes by fast. When i was younger i wanted to be a disc jockey, but that never happened. Life is what happened, i didn’t know what to do with my life. next thing you know a few wrong choices and the decision was made for you and you just hoped to get through another day. You carry  on that mentality for another thirty some years and you forget why you were in the race in the first place. I think the goal is to just be happy.

As i think about life and when you are gone, who will remember you exploits, or the things you did. The dreams you had or how you felt about life. your ambitions and desires will all fade away. I will just end up as a snapshot in someone’s photo album. maybe a smile on their face when they remember a little quirky thing about you. Do they even make photo albums anymore? Am i doing something with my life? When is it my turn, or did i miss my turn?  I don’t mean for this to sound like i am unhappy. I am responsible for my life. I am just wondering if i am doing it right. and what do you compare it too? Who really does have their life together? I am not saying that mine is falling apart. I just have a lot of questions, but i realize no one has the correct answers.  I find myself asking God all the time, but at times i do not hear. How am i doing? I think he just grins at me and nods his head. I don’t know to interpret that. Maybe the goal is to just get closer to God and let him take care of it.

Could it be that easy? to just love God and everything else will work out? To just keep your eyes on Jesus and pray through the rest on the mud and junk? I feel like i am in survivor mode all the time. Can i make through another day? I think people think i am some sort of a weirdo, so it easier to just hide away. What do people think these days? I am not sure, this world is not the same world that i grew up in. It’s like a line has been drawn and you have to choose what side you are going to be on. You don’t want this to be a hasty last minute decision. You gotta know. I think i have cast all my chips in on Jesus. Some days i question myself. I know a lot about him, but do i really know him. i ask him for a lot of help and he has always been faithful in that department. Daily i call on him for something. i hope he isn’t getting tired of me. i think i owe him a ton of favors. At times i wonder if he is sitting there and thinking, there’s old joe, asking me for help again, man does that guy ask for stuff. I guess i will have to help him again and again and again. As he looks over at my angel and asks if i will ever get it right. i really need Jesus tho, i don’t know how i even made it this far in life. to be honest with you, i really don’t have a clue about life.

So i will get up and try again tomorrow. Being happy is a choice and you can’t let others steal your joy, It’s like some people do not like the fact that you are happy and they are not. You are the one that is responsible for your own self. No one can make you happy or mad or sad. It is your choice how you will react. don’t wait for something to come a long and make you happy. be happy now. There is no magic wand to wave and things will change in an instant. you’ll get through another day, wake up and get to try again.

Romans 15:13        May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I want some more of that, that is my goal.

what is your goal, dream, passion. What do you think about life,

?