Caution, Graphic Pictures Ahead…….


   It was twenty years a go today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play, they’ve been going in and out of style, But they’re guaranteed to raise a smile……Well maybe it was more than twenty years, and maybe it wasn’t on this exact day, I was probably only three or four, with what looked like a lifetime ahead of me.  I didn’t know that song back then and I was sing, “Jesus loves me this I know.” I did not even have a clue who He was, but He knew who I was and all the ups and downs I would go through to just get to the day where I would say yes to Him.  Then He knew all the bumps and bruises I would take after that. Last year at this time was the worst one. I went from having a winner winner chicken dinner, to having a helicopter ride without a view.  How life can change in an instant. The decisions you make while you are laying on someone’s lap and they are holding something on your head to keep you from bleeding. How the pain of broken bones is greater than the pain of your side ripped wide open. How your body can be broken, but in your mind you still feel whole and can cry out to God and know He is going to work things out for good.

    I wish I could say that I have some great insight and perspective on life after that day.  I wish I could tell you that my body is whole and there is not a visible scar anywhere, or that my sleep pattern is awesome and that getting out of bed is a piece of cake. I wish I could say that I don’t think about that day and all the details of the weeks that followed. Wondering if this trauma has made me better or worse. I have to confess that I have thought about the “why” quite a few times. I have not gotten an answer yet, so I have given up asking. I could say “poor me” and go one some pity party, and I probably did that already. I found out that it does not work. I could think that I am entitled to some special favor, but I would not know what that would look like. I could go on and on, but then I would just sound like some whiny two year old, and we all know how annoying that could be. Maybe I am annoying and don’t even know it, who would tell me?

Instead of telling you about the bad crap, let’s focus on the good.  Inside each one of us there is a light, and this light is constantly burning. Some days it burns bright and some days you can barely tell if it is flickering. This light is what drives you, what tells you that you can keep going, that you can do more than endure, that you are more than a survivor. It is an inner strength that can only come from knowing Him. He is the twinkle in your eye, that will to keep on going. There are some who have not got in touch with that light, those who are easily bowled over, those who give up too easily, those who are ready to lay down and die. Stop it, you are more than that. It is God who helps you conquer. The battle is already won, you have to decide if you are going to walk in victory or let your situation dictate your out come. 13873116_10207587458750159_7482434211786570105_n

I was a hurting unit that day, and my motorcycle did not fair well either.  I am sure the stress put on my family was not helpful either. Prayer helps and God is good. IMG_1141.jpg

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So you can see that I had an obstacle to overcome.  I walked with a cane for a while, and had a wound vac at my side. I had a hard time showering and going number two was difficult for a while. In time I healed. My wife and family was a tremendous help. There was a blessing there that I had not seen before. It is true that God’s goodness and mercy triumph. There were challenges ahead of me, but I looked at it as an adventure.  My faith in God never waiver, in fact I think I depended on Him more than ever. I haven’t had a cigarette in a year, with a position change at work and the stress that came with that, i could have used one several times. I still have aches and pains. I can tell when the weather is changing, thanks to a broken collar bone. 17458307_108404949703252_4333728078023838374_n.jpg

I have an awesome scar that I like to show off. It is tight and sore at times, I have no feeling on one side of my hip, due to some road rash. I am thankful that I did not end up as roadkill. Everyday life is good, there are still bumps and assholes in the world, but at times they seem like a moot point in comparison to God’s mercy and kindness. You can either walk through life as a victim or you can see yourself as an over achiever of God’s mercy. My brother told me one day to not let this be my identity and I think that is pretty good advice. It is not who I am, but it is a testimony to God’s goodness. In a nutshell I am thankful to be alive and have all my faculties. I can still love, and forgive.  I can still bless. I still can have my sense of humor and laugh. I can still be thankful. I like How Carol put it one day, “I am glad that we didn’t have to plant you”  I am grateful too.  I am going to see the goodness in the land….

Training, raining, and other things


It has been kinda stormy around here the last few days.  Hail and we have had about three to four inches of rain. I don’t mind so much when it rains, as long as I do not get caught in it. Last night me and Monty had to run in it to get home, it was kind of funny to see him run with me, I think He thought that I could not even run and got a chuckle out of it himself.  So when it storms her, the dog likes to bark, and it can wake me up. Then I have a hard time getting back to sleep and I listen to the rain drip onto the window well cover. Then my mind starts to whirl and churn about all the things that stress me out. Being an Introvert, I can think of a million different scenarios to every problem that i am dealing with at the moment.  The struggles with work and dealing with people. The problems with my Mother-in-law’s passing away to the agonizing drive that I had to do this morning. So it took a couple of hours of all that contemplation before I got to finally get back to sleep.

So growing up in a small town, a traffic jam was at three thirty when all the school buses left the school and brought us home. When two cars got stuck behind a farm implement. I had to travel to another center during rush hour. I hate driving in the Minneapolis-St. Paul traffic. You are not sure if there is road construction or detours and you hope and pray that the back-ups are not too long, especially if you are a coffee drinker. If you know what I mean. When you get there you do a little dance and hope no one is in the bathroom. Being older the urge is more frequent than you can imagine. Anyway between dodging traffic and wondering why so many people are out of blinker fluid, I am thinking about my night of lacking sleep.  I am Having this conversation with God. He listens to me whine and then He reminds me of a dream that I had a few years ago. In this dream I was running through the woods, almost like I was behind enemy lines. I stumbled upon a wooden cabin on stilts. It was the enemies strategy room, where they were discussing their plans. I could hear what they were up too. I remember waking up wondering what I would do with this info. Today God reminded me that when I am contemplating all this at night, I am actually know what to pray against.  Does that sound weird? My prayer life isn’t always that great. I try, but I don’t think my prayers will be on some great lexicon of prayers.

I am not some big prayer warrior. Heck sometimes my mind starts to wander while I am praying and I find myself thinking about the next day or what am I going to have for lunch for tomorrow.  I often wonder if my prayers are answered or am I praying something selfish. Am i making a difference? I haven’t given up, or quit trying. I have to believe that God hears what I have to say. Sometimes I think He has the angels gather around and they have a good giggle about  some of my prayers. I would have to think that things would be a lot worse if I didn’t pray. How many times do you think that God has heard and did something.  I guess that is where faith, hope and trust is really coming into play. Where do people without any of these turn. I have found that people will say one thing, and do another, they will lie and cheat to get what they want. So faith in humanity is kind of thrown out the window. Sure there are good people out there. Do they use their blinkers though?

Everybody say, Oh Yeah…..


I let the dog out,,,well we went for a walk.  I realized that at times it is my favorite time of the day.  I put the earbuds in, turn on some music and start walking. Having earbuds in should be the universal sign for, “I do not want to talk”.  Some people get that and some do not have a clue. Yesterday some guy talked to me and I do not have a clue what he said as he drove on past in his truck. He was smiling as he said it, so I hope it was something good. I get lost in my thoughts as I walk, sometimes not even hearing the music. Today God and I were talking about not giving up. He reminded me about all the times I could have just given up in life. How I could have rolled over and just played dead, or wished I was dead. Let’s take my latest one. My motorcycle accident was almost a year ago, I still think about it and feel the effects. I talk about it and still like to show off my scar. I could have given up, but I didn’t.

Back in the early eighties, I graduated high school and went into the Air Force. I am not sure why, I didn’t think I would make it going to school i guess, or could afford it. So I thought being in the service would be it for me. Man was i ever wrong.  Having a rebellious nature and being in boot camp does not click. Trying to fit into an environment that goes against your human nature does not work.  I did not know a thing about the world and being an introvert did not help. Eventually my insecurities got the best of me and I ended up in the naval brig. I was just digging the hole deeper on giving up in life. What a mess and I did not know where to turn, but eventually I got out and headed home. Same old insecure little boy, new coping mechanisms.  A three day bus ride and I finally got home. I still thought of giving up.

I wasn’t home long and ended up in trouble again. The big house. If there was ever a time that I was gripped with fear and wanted to quit, it was then. A year and a half of life that i gave away. I endured though,  despair and hopelessness were always close by. Forever nagging and taunting. I finally went home again. This time I went to a new town, maybe the start of a new life, a gift of starting over. Same coping tools, new life. A move to another new town, with a wife and child. Same old baggage. When you allow your insecurities to  blow up, you can risk losing everything you have, a separation and another opportunity to give up. One day you wake up and see that love is a greater thing. So instead of hoping that everyone else will change to your way of thinking, you try a new thought of your own. Maybe I am the problem.

So I think all roads lead to Jesus. Some roads are easy and some of us choose the hard  rocky, hilly, stormy way. The easy way is to just coast along the way, you do not have troubles, or problems or any adventure, you really do not take any chances. I wonder if you really learn anything? Then there are the rest of us. Who took the hard road, experienced life in a whole different way, Who learned life isn’t always easy. Who went through trials and temptations, failing miserably many times over. Those of us who had to pick ourselves up time after time and thank God for the strength and ask for forgiveness. There is a difference in book knowledge and experience knowledge.  Life is not handed to you on a silver platter and it is all peaches and cream.  There are assholes in your life for a reason, and they are there to teach you something. Most of the time it is either grace, patience and love that is needed to be learned.  I find it is easier to learn when I quit fighting God for something that I think I need and Just take what He is giving me. It isn’t my job to teach other people a lesson. The only one who needs to learn something is me.

I will be fifty-three soon, I never thought that I would make it this far. There was a part of me from my youth that wanted to quit, give up on life. I thought about it a million times over. I hated my life and had no clue to where I was going. I did not know who I was, or what my role was on this earth. I could see no purpose for me to carry on. What an ugly world this is. Then one day the light bulb came on and Jesus revealed Himself to me, literally. Walking with Him hasn’t always been easy, but it has never been dull. I am thankful everyday when I walk up, in Him there is life. There is no quitting and today when I was walking with the dog, God thanked me for hanging in there and not quitting. He has always had a plan and a purpose, all I had to do was trust Him.

The thrill of victory,,or the agony of defeat……


“Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.”..1 Timothy 6:12

There are two battles that are always going on, One, a fight to get free, and two, to stay free. I want to stay free and keep my joy. The battle is very real. Joy comes from God. That is something that I feel like I have been lacking lately. There has been a constant bombardment to keep me miserable. To keep me down. A constant flow of negativity that is everywhere. People do not even know that they are puking their crap on you. The enemy is real and he is out to rob, kill and destroy you. He will use whatever ways is necessary to rob you of your hope and joy. He will make your life hell. He will make you blind to the truth and deceive you with lies. He will try and take the truth and twist it in some demented way that makes it sounds good. He will use anxiety, doubt and fear to try and paralyze you. Tempt you with pleasures to give you a momentary second of good feelings only to crush it with shame and guilt. Then he will laugh at you in a mocking sort of way. If you are not aware of these tactics, you should be.

Then comes along Jesus. He could not be stopped. In His weakened state, He spent three days in hell, grabbed the keys and set the everyone free. He could not be contained. He gave freedom and liberty to everyone. There is no more bondage. His yoke is light. There is no burden, or shame or condemnation.  Yet people use it to intimidate us. Shame, guilt and intimidation are just scare tactics used by the enemy to put fear into you. Jesus came and defeated that. He is the one who will give you confidence. He will fight along side you, He is your victory. There are more with us than there are with them. Me walking with God puts me in the majority. I should be walking in a perpetual state of victory. Like Peter, I can take my eyes off Jesus and sink.

I am winning. Everyday that I get up is a victory.  I am condemned to victory. No matter how I try, i cannot lose. The enemy wants you to think that you have already lost the battle. You have not! Reach down inside you, that is where God is. He is always with you. You are filled with Him.  He is larger than your problem, your enemies. He is not concerned about the battle. He is more concerned about life. His grace and mercy are following you around, all the days of your life. You cannot hide from them or shake them. He is your confidence. When you live in the shelter of the Most High, you will be safe. Don’t let anyone rob you of your joy. Fight to keep it. It is yours and it can not be stolen from you ever again. You have everything you need  to walk in victory, every tool, every weapon. You have a strong heart that is full of God’s love.  Nothing can take away what God has given to you. Where you decide to walk is entirely up to you. You can continue to walk in a swamp of crap, or you can grab Jesus’s hand and let him pull you out.  I can choose to be miserable and look at the crappy side of life, or I can choose to ignore the crap that people try to shovel into my life. I am a winner,,,,I should be treated as such. I am a child of the King and I belong to Him.

God-conscious…


One day you wake up and wonder.  Life has passed by like a rocket. I feel older than I am. I feel like I am living in a perpetual state of arthritis. I feel like I am that old guy, “get off my lawn”. I see more and more misunderstanding going on. People who take your own words and actions and twist them into some distorted perversion of that I am having a bad life. Last week some old guy came in and went on and on about leftover medical supplies and if we took them back. I explained that i could not, but suggested that He could donate them.  Then He must have thought that i wanted to strike up a conversation about waste of unopened supplies. Again I had to explain that I could not take them back. I suggested that maybe he should donate them to the senior center. He told me he tried that and as he was finally leaving I said, “good luck”. My meaning behind it was one of success. I could clearly see his intention of wanting to help some one out. I then proceeded to turn back to answering the phone that rang five different times while i devoted my intention to him.

A few days later this elderly gentlemen peers into my co-workers window and sees she is there and sneaks into speak to her. He then tells his version of the story and how he seen me as a pain in the ass, all because I said good luck. Because I could not help him. Our policy is that once something is given to a patient, it is their’s. I cannot take back an unopened medical supply.  The point being is that there is too much judgement without knowing all the facts. I was actually hurt a little.  What are you to do? At times i feel like people have ruined life. It is hard enough being an introvert in this world.  Your actions seem to be misinterpreted quite often. I wonder how often we do not understand someone elses thought process. I think people are to easily offended when it comes to the truth. I feel like I want to go and hide in a cave. I can go days without human interaction. I am thankful that I do not always see things the way others do. It is a real privilege in this day and age to be different.

Being introverted is a blessing.  I can embrace a passion for something that cannot be satisfied and leave mu hungry for more. My love of God is this way. I can go from being afraid that I hurt His feelings to climbing up on His lap and crying like a little baby. I think I am always God-conscious. Aware of what’s going on and i do not want to miss a thing. I want to be a part and experience everything that is about Him. I want to know that I know. Then I am baffled when others are not that way. When others allow life to control their emotions and footsteps. When others speak without consequences or validity behind their words.  Maybe I am being too judgmental here. Is it too much to live in a world were we put others first? There is always whaling and gnashing of teeth now. Where the dollar is put first, it truly  is an all about me, dog eat dog world and who ever ends up with all the toys at the end wins and makes up all the rules.  I am just sitting here back in the corner wondering about when i get to go home.

You don’t have to jump on every latest fad, or follow who or what is trending. You have permission to be yourself. What if everyone else is wrong and you are not. You do not have to always defend your position. God will set a feast before you in front of your enemies. He will guide you and sometimes you just have to wait. No one has a corner on God. He is not a commodity to be bought and sold. He is my friend.

In the waiting room…..


I’ve had writers block for some time. Plus my attitude has been in a bad way. All I have seen is negative. People who are in it for themselves. People who are teaching me how not to be. Now I got up at stupid o’clock to drive my wife four and a half hours to see her mother at the hospital.  It needed to be done. The hospital where there are a bunch of people who need life. Some need a smile, a kind word something to give them hope. It would be hard for me to work here. I wouldn’t know what color scrubs to wear. People come here to get healed, to get some sort of hope, to maybe get another shot at life. Maybe to get restore a little.  To be honest it just feels like a few angels need to come in here and shake some joy into this place.  I watched the same guy push a broom around in a circle for ten minutes, not once did he smile.  Don’t people know that the joy is down in them, just waiting to burst out?  There is so much to be grateful for. There so much life deep inside us that needs to be unleashed. Instead I see people who refuse to be joyful.  People who think that being miserable is the lifestyle for them and if they aren’t happy neither should anyone else be.  

    People watching is an interesting pastime of an introvert such as myself.  We are all in our own little world surrounded by our own thoughts.  We make judgements on the way we think things ought to be from our own internal perspective. If we are not happy we judge out of that. If weare happy we base it out of that.   If we are controlling we base our judgement out of that.  So without knowing another persons life story, or how they think, we base a judgement on how it makes me look or feel.  So if I think something should be one way and try to project my thought process onto you without caring how it makes you feel, I am in the wrong.  I try to respect the way everyone feels. Some just get their kicks out of crossing that line because their vision is so narrow minded. Some just fail to look at a bigger picture. When Jesus told the disciples. That it was better for him to go, they thought he was wrong. Then the Holy Spirit came around and they say the Jesus was right. There are a lot people who are prechristian.  I’ll be glad when they get it. 

     My wife and I were having a discussion the other night about getting to know people   I told her that she took a chance on my weird nature to get to know me. It has taken her thirty years to know me and that knowledge is continuing to grow daily.  She knows more about me than I probably know about myself. She knows how to talk to me about the way things should be done. She knows that I need to know the how’s and whys and the what nots in things. We should not just make assumptions with each other or tell someone this is how it is, without taking account the feelings of someone else. We do things in life because it is important to someone else. People are important and they matter. We all have something to learn from each other, not something to prove. Jesus came to set the captives free, some people are not happy unless the put you in some form of bondage. No weapon formed against shall prosper.  There really is a privilege growing old with someone. There is also a blessing when someone let’s you into their inner world.  Jesus dwells inside each one of us, some need to let Him out more often, or look inside themselves a little more.  Your angel is pleading with God that you will get it.  David could have killed Saul and instantly became King. He cut off a piece of his robe and later showed him and told him that he could of killed him. That’s the kind of integrity I want to live in.  

    

Data, Introverts and Boot Camp…


I can’t believe i live in an age where I am worried about the data. We have less than a half a gig left and 12 hours to go. We usually don’t have this stress, but my number one son decided he needed a new phone and alas, one of his apps secretly uses data in the back ground without you even knowing it. Well thank God we caught it before it made an enormous bill that I did not want to pay. There’s nothing like living on the edge. We live in a day and age where you take your phone with you wherever you go, taking pictures of random things, see who is doing what on social media, order our lunch from it and tweet a picture of it to someone who is paying attention to what i am doing in life. I hate being a slave to the phone and except when I am on call, try to leave it at home.  Then I get angry when I call someone on their phone and they don’t answer, i can picture them in mind standing there giggling, knowing that it is me on the phone and not answering.

It is not easy being an introvert. Scenarios like that play out in your mind and who could write a sitcom out each and everyone. Only the laugh track is funny in different places, especially when I get to the revenge part of the scene. And believe me there is one. Don’t ever get on the bad side of an introvert, i could kill you off in my mind a thousand ways before you even finish your annoying sentence.  Sometimes the best part is that you don’t even know who is an introvert and who is not. I find that it is just easier to pull away from people than confront them. You can crap on me a thousand times and I will just put up with it after a while I just get full and explode. So hey,  just be nice from the get go. There is no reason to be an ass and just assume that you have the right to think that I really don’t know anything. I am polite and a gentleman, you just can not judge and think that you know something that you don’t. Over confidence has been some people’s down fall.  Just be nice to everyone, you do not know what they are going through.  Matthew 19,   “Another day, a man stopped Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?”    Jesus said, “Why do you question me about what’s good? God is the One who is good. If you want to enter the life of God, just do what he tells you.”  The man asked, “What in particular?” Jesus said, “Don’t murder, don’t commit adultery, don’t steal, don’t lie, honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as you do yourself.”The young man said, “I’ve done all that. What’s left?”“If you want to give it all you’ve got,” Jesus replied, “go sell your possessions; give everything to the poor. All your wealth will then be in heaven. Then come follow me.” “   I wonder about loving yourself. Have you ever seen the way some people treat others? They must really beat themselves up when no one is looking. I know I can go a few rounds with myself pretty good.

I love it when I have dreams. It is better than watching the television. Last night I was in boot camp again. I was there in real life thirty years ago, and I hated it. The training and knowledge they pumped into to be a government issue fighting tool. I was rebellious and learned how to drink with the best of them. Well anyway in my dream the training was different. The training was real life for what was to come. My drill instructor actually enjoyed me and made me his favorite student. He said that everything that I am going through now will be worth it for what is to come. You know so much now, and you are applying it well, but there are still things that need to be refined and sharpened.  It seem weird to  be information, new clothes on and with others in training to learn. It was not hard to learn new stuff and everything was taught with love and a purpose behind it. I do not remember what was taught, all I knew is it was for what is to come. i think we all need to be prepared in life. Jesus is my drill instructor and the way He teaches life can be enjoyable. It is could to know that He has been molding me and shaping me since the beginning of time. I just needed to do my part and follow.  You are in God’s army whether you know it or not. There are battles that you are called to fight and win. There are things that you learn when you are in battle. That is why you have armor, not to just protect yourself, but to fight and win.

There truly is joy in the journey if you want it. There is a peace to say no to somethings. It is okay to withdraw from something if you feel led by the Spirit. You can find God in anything if you know how to look for Him. He is everywhere and most of all He loves to just hand out with you. So much sometimes, He invades my dreams to get my attention the most. Troubles will come and go, but His Love for you will never end. You are tha apple of His eye.

 

just venting……


 

You are Christ’s body—that’s who you are! You must never forget this. Only as you accept your part of that body does your “part” mean anything. You’re familiar with some of the parts that God has formed in his church, which is his “body”:

apostles
prophets
teachers
miracle workers
healers
helpers
organizers
those who pray in tongues.

But it’s obvious by now, isn’t it, that Christ’s church is a complete Body and not a gigantic, uni-dimensional Part? It’s not all Apostle, not all Prophet, not all Miracle Worker, not all Healer, not all Prayer in Tongues, not all Interpreter of Tongues. And yet some of you keep competing for so-called “important” parts……1 Corinthians 12:27-31

  I have listen to someone give a talk on the word above. He said that most of these are job descriptions. I have to tend to agree. I am not big on titles because it tends to set someone above another.  It says, Hey, I’m better than you, or I’m important, or i demand your respect because I have a title.   When it comes down to it we will all die and have leave this world.  How you treat people will stand out more to me. It does not give you the right to speak down to people or project that you think that you are better than me. Instead of verbally abusing someone on the other side of the phone, maybe you should express compassion.  I often how some one else’s anger can become my problem.  Being on the customer service side of the phone does not mean that i want to hear you bitch about something that is completely out of my control. How is your problem suddenly mine? To be honest with you, i really don’t care anymore if you are going to chew my ass.  If you think that you can use your title to try and intimidate me, you are dead wrong.

     Sure I will still help you, after all I am called to be Christ like.  I will forgive and help you, but I must confess, it might not be as fast as you want or as convenient as you would like, and i will probably have to answer for that.  I often wonder who gave certain people the right to lord their desires over others.  Money and power must rule the day.  Some people don’t realize that they just add to the reason why introverts like us to avoid people.

     What are you to do but love them the way that they are. You can’t tell them. There seems to be too much foolish pride in the world. We are one body with many parts. We need each part to function. If the hand gets paid more than the mouth does it really matter? how will the mouth get fed without the hand. Yet here we are in a world with hierarchy and pecking orders.  If your title was given to you by God, then it legit, but if you gave it to yourself, well we will see how far it gets you in life. I guess how you treat others is how you wanted to be treated.

 

 

Just thinking out loud……


Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart……Hebrews 12

I was reading a book, maybe for the third or fourth time, and the writer talked about the great crowd of witnesses watching over us.  I found myself thinking about the fact that you can not hide your actions, your thoughts or anything from heaven. One day I will have to stand before the King on His throne and watch my life flash before my eyes. I will see how I treated others and what I thought about them. I will see my heart and my motivations. I will see my choices and the results of them. I will see where I chose to love and chose not to. I will see my good days and my bad days. I will see what I did in secret and tried to hide from others. I will see where i hated and where I loved. I will probably cringe and cry and feel bad. The only thing I will be able to say is,”I am sorry, I did those things and please extend me grace”.

I am a Child of the King. I am still learning who I am in Him. He wired me to be an introvert. I am embracing that fact. Actually I find that I am enjoying it. I have my reasons for choosing the things that I do.  I think God will give you more than you can handle. That is how faith grows. I believe that life happens, it is not always fair.  Shit does happen, can you still worship and praise God in the mix of all that. How  you deal with it is important. I don’t always win or get my way, or have ever won a trophy. Life is not always easy and there are times you have to work hard.  You will not always get your way and you not really entitled to anything.

God sees your life from beginning to end. He knows the choices you will make. Yet I am amazed at the grace He extends. How He pursues you and will never leave you. How He can love without expectations is awesome. How the Kingdom is opposite  of the way the world is. The first will be last and the last will be first. How humility is important. God will go through a lot of effort to get you to a place of walking in faith.  you are farther along than what you give yourself credit for. You are doing better than others give you credit for and God expects you to make more mistakes than you can imagine. God cares about you.  You know, I just want to be happy and enjoy life.  I am thankful that God isn’t human, if you know what I mean.

 

bell bottom blues…..


 God didn’t send me out to collect a following for myself, but to preach the Message of what he has done, collecting a following for him. And he didn’t send me to do it with a lot of fancy rhetoric of my own, lest the powerful action at the center—Christ on the Cross—be trivialized into mere words……1 Corinthians 1:17

I’m just a small town kind of a guy. Grew up on a farm, nothing fancy. I like things simple. Sometimes people complicate things and make the going seem harder than it really is. Endless striving and grasping for a place in the world with some sort of stature.  To me it seems like a waste of energy. There really is no promotion in promoting yourself. Giving yourself an unearned title. Giving yourself some power and using it to control and manipulate others. Is that really freedom. The real power is keeping yourself humble and putting others first. If it is all about you, then I’m out. If you are about promoting Jesus, then I am in. Yet people fall for it time and time again. It may sound good in the beginning. People throw their money at some name and they create some mega church or following and then it seems like Jesus is completely out of the picture. It becomes some all about me type of following. I guess it is your choice to follow whatever tickles your fancy.

People will follow blindly what they perceive to be the next latest and greatest thing. You can tell it is true with fashion. Look what the media pumps up. People have killed for tickle me elmos and cabbage patch kids. Bell bottoms used to be the rage. We  are always on the look out for the latest and greatest thing. We want to feel like we belong to some greater purpose, if we fit in like everyone else. Look at me, i have arrived and I finally belong. I must be important. I can follow the latest fashion trend just like everyone else.

Actually I am a blue jean, t-shirt kind of a guy. I like to be myself. Sure I have fallen into traps of following blindly. I also have been warned in dreams about not following some things. I have been wrong before. I also have been glad that I followed my heart, instead of someone else’s. Maybe this is why I do not have too many friends. We all walk a different path and climb different mountains. Hopefully our paths with cross and we will help each other find more of Jesus. I am on my own journey of discovering who I am in Christ. My road is the hard one at times. That is okay, i have the feeling the reward will be worth it. I  have come to the conclusion that if only a couple of people read my stuff, that is a good thing. I want people to see Jesus more than they see me.