It was twenty years a go today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play, they’ve been going in and out of style, But they’re guaranteed to raise a smile……Well maybe it was more than twenty years, and maybe it wasn’t on this exact day, I was probably only three or four, with what looked like a lifetime ahead of me. I didn’t know that song back then and I was sing, “Jesus loves me this I know.” I did not even have a clue who He was, but He knew who I was and all the ups and downs I would go through to just get to the day where I would say yes to Him. Then He knew all the bumps and bruises I would take after that. Last year at this time was the worst one. I went from having a winner winner chicken dinner, to having a helicopter ride without a view. How life can change in an instant. The decisions you make while you are laying on someone’s lap and they are holding something on your head to keep you from bleeding. How the pain of broken bones is greater than the pain of your side ripped wide open. How your body can be broken, but in your mind you still feel whole and can cry out to God and know He is going to work things out for good.
I wish I could say that I have some great insight and perspective on life after that day. I wish I could tell you that my body is whole and there is not a visible scar anywhere, or that my sleep pattern is awesome and that getting out of bed is a piece of cake. I wish I could say that I don’t think about that day and all the details of the weeks that followed. Wondering if this trauma has made me better or worse. I have to confess that I have thought about the “why” quite a few times. I have not gotten an answer yet, so I have given up asking. I could say “poor me” and go one some pity party, and I probably did that already. I found out that it does not work. I could think that I am entitled to some special favor, but I would not know what that would look like. I could go on and on, but then I would just sound like some whiny two year old, and we all know how annoying that could be. Maybe I am annoying and don’t even know it, who would tell me?
Instead of telling you about the bad crap, let’s focus on the good. Inside each one of us there is a light, and this light is constantly burning. Some days it burns bright and some days you can barely tell if it is flickering. This light is what drives you, what tells you that you can keep going, that you can do more than endure, that you are more than a survivor. It is an inner strength that can only come from knowing Him. He is the twinkle in your eye, that will to keep on going. There are some who have not got in touch with that light, those who are easily bowled over, those who give up too easily, those who are ready to lay down and die. Stop it, you are more than that. It is God who helps you conquer. The battle is already won, you have to decide if you are going to walk in victory or let your situation dictate your out come.
I was a hurting unit that day, and my motorcycle did not fair well either. I am sure the stress put on my family was not helpful either. Prayer helps and God is good.
So you can see that I had an obstacle to overcome. I walked with a cane for a while, and had a wound vac at my side. I had a hard time showering and going number two was difficult for a while. In time I healed. My wife and family was a tremendous help. There was a blessing there that I had not seen before. It is true that God’s goodness and mercy triumph. There were challenges ahead of me, but I looked at it as an adventure. My faith in God never waiver, in fact I think I depended on Him more than ever. I haven’t had a cigarette in a year, with a position change at work and the stress that came with that, i could have used one several times. I still have aches and pains. I can tell when the weather is changing, thanks to a broken collar bone.
I have an awesome scar that I like to show off. It is tight and sore at times, I have no feeling on one side of my hip, due to some road rash. I am thankful that I did not end up as roadkill. Everyday life is good, there are still bumps and assholes in the world, but at times they seem like a moot point in comparison to God’s mercy and kindness. You can either walk through life as a victim or you can see yourself as an over achiever of God’s mercy. My brother told me one day to not let this be my identity and I think that is pretty good advice. It is not who I am, but it is a testimony to God’s goodness. In a nutshell I am thankful to be alive and have all my faculties. I can still love, and forgive. I can still bless. I still can have my sense of humor and laugh. I can still be thankful. I like How Carol put it one day, “I am glad that we didn’t have to plant you” I am grateful too. I am going to see the goodness in the land….