exactly…..

When i first started blogging, i thought i had something to say. Then i realized i am just another whiner with a computer. I complain about work and people and my neighbors and think what kind of Christian am i? Do everything without arguing or complaining, well i failed that one. Maybe i am just getting old. I tend to take things out of context and screw up more than i can count with my fingers and toes. I am good at sabotaging relationships , and can run in my mind in a thousand directions. which way is up and aren’t relationships a two sided street. Yet me in my introversion can miss a good thing right in front of me. When I ask God for a sign, i pretty much need a couple of angels, a dream and a vision from God and four other forms of confirmation, and i still might have some doubt. Maybe i am just, gosh do i dare say it. Normal.  I thought by writing a blog i was really stepping into what i thought God wanted me to do, I had fantasy s of saving the world, spreading the gospel and making a difference and i think i only spread-ed peanut butter on my English muffin.

What a weird day for the beginning of the week. i find it interesting how people like to drag you into their problems and make your problem also. I am here to help, but you must also help yourself. I need to take care of my own needs once and a while.  Lord help me. At times i wonder and ask God, are we still okay? because i think i am the one who moved. I think about you often and pray once in a while, but i don’t have an excuse, i was off doing my thing and forgot. I can see the importance of being rooted and grounded but i am pulling up lame. you know i am still a little mad about the accident and the broken foot, i am still not handling that well. i think i am working through it though.  Things are getting a little better at work. if you must know. I don’t feel like i need therapy as much as i used to, or maybe it was others who need therapy and i am sane, i just don’t remember.

Everyday is a new day full of adventure. you never know what is lurking behind every corner, who is plotting and who is scheming, who is for you and has your best interest in mind. We just are thankful to get up every day. life it is short, one day you are eligible for the senior discount and aarp is flooding your mailbox. You go to bed early and thankful to make it through the day. There is plenty to smile about and you feel better on days the sun is out. Aches and pains follow me every day, but it is a good sign that i am alive.  We are just tired of red squirrels digging in our flower pots and dream of one day letting him know who the boss is with our Daisy Red Ryder. You know you’ll shoot your eye out with one of those things. If that is the worst battle that i have, life is pretty good. I think i create more battles in my mind that i actually engage in. Jesus came to give life and give it abundantly and that looks different to everyone. Actually for me that’s now, just being happy is life. Being happy and making others happy, isn’t that what life should be about. Putting on smiles. Being joyful, giggling and belly laughs, is laughter really the best medicine.

If you just make one person smile, i think you are winning, you are fighting the forces of evil. A smile creates a positive atmosphere,can change an attitude. anyone can be negative and degrading and a party pooper. have you ever seen a party pooper and what was the story behind that saying. You can change a whole room with just a smile. God is still in heaven and we have Jesus and two thirds of the angels. we are winning, and to be honest with you it is really not a fair fight. I have read the ending of the bible, i know who wins, actually i think Jesus won it all at the cross. Yet lines are being drawn and sides chosen in the country. left is attacking the right and we all have opinions on how things should be and what kind of world are we leaving for our kids. yet we can’t even get a long with our neighbors. As for me, I am just trusting God and I think He knows what He is doing. He has been at this a lot longer than i have been around. I am His. I forget this at times, but i am always reminded. God is so good, what can compare to Him. Things of this world may pass away, but when the dust clears, there will be the Father, sitting on His throne and grinning. Welcoming you home with open arms, and a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Bring out the fatted calf, my son has come home and we are going to feast.

 

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can i get a do over?

From the moment i woke up I knew it was going to be one of those days. You know the type, if anything will go wrong it probably will. I kinda shrugged it off hoping that the feeling would pass. Showered and shaved, got dressed, drank coffee without spilling any and drove to work hassle free. I thought so far so good. I made it to the office. I had a lot on my plate and had a plan in mind to get something done. After all i did make a carrot cake the night before and had a fresh potato to back later on. A good lunch planned. As soon as i sat at my desk, i knew the jig was up. I was locked out of my computer. A good way to start my day, that meant a good half hour on the phone waiting for the help desk, before i could even dig into my piles of paperwork just waiting for me. I finally get through that endeavor and off to the next problem. I am surprised at how people cannot take care of their own needs anymore. I need this or i need that. Do this for me and do that for me. I can’t figure this out and no i did not read the directions, why should i do that, isn’t that why you are here. Then the next person can’t drive twenty minutes one way to have their machine checked, that is way to inconvenient for me to come that far. Or the next one, i lost my power cord, or my head is screwed on backwards, i try to help, i give and i give and at times it can be so exhausting. I do not know how much more i can give. it is more enduring than i can explain. But yet we go on.

Yet during the day there is some comic relief. I have a sign on the door that says,”This is not the license center”, which is a building down from us. Everyday there is at least one or two that come in and ask if we are the License center. We are a respiratory company, we do durable medical equipment. we handle oxygen and wheelchairs and stuff like that. It is a never ending demand. When you walk in the door there is that type of equipment for you to see. No eye chart or  machines to take your pictures. Another gentleman who i tried to help had a machine that broke down and had to complain about driving fifteen minutes one way to just have it checked, it such a long drive he said, i helped him and asked if he needed provisions to get home, i had some peppermint patties and reeses on the counter, his wife said they were good and had a full tank of gas so they thought they would make it fine. Then the phone rings one call after the next and another and another, sometimes i wonder how i get anything done. It can be a grueling pace. I think i forgot to use the rest room for an afternoon. Heck, i am lucky to even get through one cup of coffee during the day. The carrot cake was good, with cream cheese frosting, not as good as mother used to make though.

So it is a wonder we are not all crazy. I am not sure how Jesus did it feeding the five thousand and still had leftovers. That guy must have a lot of patience. i would have closed the door and shut off my phone and hoped they all would have disappeared while i hid in the basement. In reality we are doing better than we think we are. We have a lot to be thankful for and we are not dead yet. We still have reasons to be happy and things that put a smile on our faces. Life is not really that bad, it is just short. There is never enough time to do the things i want to do and when there is, there is never enough money, So we work to have the things we want in life, but there are some things that money can’t buy. Time is one that i think of the most. i never have enough for myself, to do what i want. To go where i want to go, see what i want to see. It can be an endless battle of give and take and i feel like i give more than i take. I hate to sound selfish, but i want someone to do something for me. Give me a call, pay me a visit, send me a nice note, encourage me, be a friend, none of those things don’t even cost anything.  Jesus took my place all those years ago and i still really can’t grasp that whole thing. I feel like i am always screwing it up or i feel like i am just taking advantage of grace. Well, he loves me and that has to count for something, i am doing the best i can down here with what i have got. Sometimes i feel like it all just on big mistake, and at times it is my fault.

Well maybe it’s not always, and i do get a chance to get up and try again tomorrow, hopefully, thanks for listening to me vent,,,,it’s good therapy for this old soul who will be ready for the senior discount in a week and a half.

Good times…..?

Do you remember a time when all was good? When people respected each other, helped each other and were kind? When you didn’t have to lock your doors, or you could leave your keys in the car without any fear. When you could trust people. Will we ever have those days back? when pop was a dime, a quarter could by a lot of candy and going to town was a big thing. When you had a dollar in your pocket and you felt rich and it would buy a lot. When you were content with three channels on TV, and on a good night you got four. Where you could listen to some good music on WLS  A M and you had to stay up late to hear it. Where you hide under the covers with the radio so low and stuck right into your ear. no wonder i can’t hear so good. A time where the candy bars were larger and tasted much better. Where there was no artificial ingredients and food tasted more natural. A time when you got a thrill of driving up and down the same street listening to the radio. A time when streaking was a fad and bell bottom jeans were in style. Life seemed so innocent and so far ahead of us. A time when AWA was what we looked forward to every Sunday and you had to wait a year for a hit movie to come onto television and they would cut out all the good parts. When being young and naive and innocent was okay. You had your whole life ahead of you and you couldn’t grow up fast enough.

Now you are older and you survived everything that was thrown at you and you wonder how you made it this far. You shop at a box store, along with everyone else. You try to eat healthy and work from eight to five and hope to make it home alive so you can hide for a few hours, hopefully sleep for 7 or 8 and get up to do it again. Nobody knows your name and talks to you, shop and get home. You go to work to try to get ahead, but they tax you to death and you hope to put enough away to someday retire, will i make it that long? Why do we put ourselves through the wringer? To have a house, food to eat or a truck to drive? day in and day out, make to the weekend only to see that Monday is right around the corner. Life goes by so fast and i stop to wonder,did i think about God today? I wonder who my friends are and am i doing this right. Why can’t i just trust without the fear of getting burned. I have put myself out there too many times and i just can’t stand the though of being used again. Maybe it’s in my head? I wonder if i even trust God at times, maybe he’s mad at me, or i didn’t repent, or i sinned and prayed and asked for forgiveness at the same time. Maybe i just messed up in the head and it is better to with drawl into my own little world, where it is safe. I have to admit, i do have trust issues and wonder why anyone would want to be friends with me in the first place. What is Love anyway, i can never really put my finger on it, i can never really describe it, and i am not sure if i am doing it right.

Regardless of all that, i still keep on trying, keep on writing, even though maybe two people read it. I just keep on trying, i keep placing my hope in God. I hope to get it right tomorrow, I get a new chance and a new opportunity every day. I am sure that God loves me, even though i don’t always feel like it. I just can’t give up. Yet we keep plugging away trying to recapture a time when time was so care free. Why can’t it be that way now? Pressure from the world on the left and on the right, do this, look like that, conform to these rules, be a good boy and don’t make waves. Then you have God, who overcame the world, who hung on a cross and said it is finished, who came so that i might have life and have it abundantly. Who came to set the captives free. who knew me since i was formed, the choices i would make and yet called me all those years ago. I can’t have fulfilled my purposes by now, i don’t think i have arrived yet, this can’t be all there is to it? I think i am missing something here, or making this way more complicated than it should be. Shouldn’t i be happier than this? More fulfilled? More something? Well i am just kind of venting here and tomorrow is a new day and we will see what God has in store, He is always with me, and if it’s another tough day, He will be there again.

Winter,,,,Uffda

We all watch the weather, sometimes they get it right and sometimes i think they are off by a few hundred miles. They get close anyway. Well this winter has been wilder than normal. For the seventeenth time in the last month, i was out snow blowing. I am tired of it. Anyway i was thinking about those who do not have a snow blower and i was reminded of the ten virgins.

“At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom.  Five of them were foolish and five were wise.  The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. The wise ones, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps.  The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.

 “At midnight the cry rang out: ‘Here’s the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’

 “Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps.  The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.’ “‘No,’ they replied, ‘there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’ “But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut.“Later the others also came. ‘Lord, Lord,’ they said, ‘open the door for us!’ “But he replied, ‘Truly I tell you, I don’t know you.’

 “Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.

Now days with all this modern technology we can be prepared for almost anything. There really is no excuse. It all depends on who or what you are going to believe. If you know it’s going to snow, you get ready, make sure you are prepared with gas and what not. in my case i need cleats to keep me from slipping and falling. again. My question is how can you not be be prepared. How can you not know, we are all warned, it’s not too late.

I realized something about myself, i like to help people and of course i did help them out and blew out their driveways and sidewalks and filled with empty promises. And even a couple that did not say anything. I was happy to help, but sad at the results. i probably won’t help out again. Where does it end. So if you are not prepared, i am going to save my oil.

Simple Man…..

You know, I just want to walk with God, have Him put His arm around me and tell me everything is going to be alright. Life is going along just fine and it is going to get better as you go along, I’ve got my eye on you and you are doing just fine. When you walk along with God you get a little giddy and feel the laughter of joy building up in your belly and you cannot contain it and you can’t help but smile. You have that twinkle in your eye and have a little giddy up in your step. What do people who don’t walk with God do?

I am tired and i think that my mind can be on overdrive sometimes, always thinking about this or that, heck sometimes it don’t shut off when i go to sleep. Work is invading my sleep. I don’t know if i am one of the good guys or i am just making a mess of things. Making decisions that at times can be too stressful for one person. then to get it wrong and have to fix it. Can i hold on for one more day.  Why certainly I can, i am not a quitter. There has to be something good waiting for me someday. I can hardly think that i have endured all this crap for nothing. Crabby people, selfish people, all the degrading conversations where everyone blamed me instead of accepting responsibility for their own actions. To hear some one say sorry or that they were wrong is a little far fetched these days. I shouldn’t be surprised, but yet i am. Again as i said in the beginning, i just want to walk with God and have a not so exciting life.

Then God has His say on things, like consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds. the list of what that looks like is long. Maybe i should start laughing at people when they are the way they are. That turning the other cheek can get mighty old after a while too, i don’t think i have too many left. Our how about forgiving everybody seven time seventy times. I think that is all i do, but deep down inside i still harbor the thought of what they said or what they did. Unlike God, i have a hard time forgiving and forgetting. I even wonder if i still have my name on the list, what if i just don’t make the cut, oh sorry your just a little late on that one. I try and i try, i don’t forget and i tend to put up a wall, almost sounds political there. Another thing that i am tired of.  We all just want a simple life with no conflict or no hassles.  Where do we draw the line. When do we get to the part that there is no judgements and people start being nice and accepting you for who you are? When do goodness and kindness rule the day?

I just want a simple life, go to work come and and be happy. A life without stress and anxiety. Yet we live in a world were we have to earn a living and make a dollar for someone. I have never seen the world like this. Maybe i have had my head in the sand for too long. Maybe i am too naive. Who can you trust now days? Who really has your back. Again skin for skin, people will sell you out to save their own asses. Who can you trust? who? do you trust me? I might have some arterial motive to get what i want. What do i want, just a simple trustworthy friendship. But i have built my wall so high, that i forgot what that even looks like. Being an introvert is not easy, i analyze every situation and conversation and replay it over and over so many times in my head that i wonder how i can even trust myself. heck i wonder why people even liked me in the first place. So i will retreat to my sanctuary and recharge my batteries. It is a safe place for me too hide.

So as God and i walk along, we discuss things , like getting some sleep, having a good day, help me to endure, be my strength and heal me. Forgive me and show me, why do you love me, what do you see in me and what is coming around the next corner. Most of the time i talk about my insecurities, my failures, my weaknesses and where i feel i have screwed up. I tend to talk about what i feel is wrong with me more than what is right. my shortcomings and my problems. I see that most of the time i am doing most of the talking when it comes to these conversations. I think that i am so into my introversion that i miss His replies. you know the ones, where he just tells me even though i think i am all that, that i am loved. I don’t understand why, but i don’t think i ever will. I would like to hear that i am smart, talented, gifted, wonderful and at times funny, but i never do. i would like some encouragement while i am down here, but i probably won’t believe it. I have heard false things before.  Again and again.

I will get up tomorrow and try again, I will hopefully have good dreams again and wake up with the joy in my heart and the hope that i will have a good day and some of my questions will get answered. Jesus is the only answer to many questions, everything i go through helps me become more and more the person God intended for me to be. Everything that the enemy throws at me, god uses to mold and shape me. God allows in His wisdom what he could easily prevent by his power.

When i get there….

The day i get to the pearly gates, will St, Peter really be sitting there with his clipboard in his hand? Checking my name against his clipboard, seeing if i have been naughty of nice? Did i really believe? Did i do more good than bad, what kind of attitude did i have when i did good? Then when he smiles at me and punches my ticket and says, go on in your room is waiting? And by room, hopefully he means a small cabin on the lake, secluded from others. Will i still be introverted in heaven? will i still have friends? will it be an everyday flow of constant worship? will i know others? Will Jesus and i have time chat about the whys and what nots? Will I get a big hug, and will there be dancing in the streets, a party, and will there be people there that will be shocked that i made it in? Will I get to see God’s throne, and will there be elders and disciples sitting on both sides? Who will be at God’s right hand and who will be at his left? Will i be in awe? Will anything i did on earth really matter? Will my scars be gone? Will my fears and doubts melt away in his presence? Will i hear well done good and faithful servant?

In the lord’s prayer, one line is”on earth as it is in heaven”. I feel like that there is so much that i am missing. Am i on track, am i veering to the left or to the right? Am i running a good race, am i fighting a good fight? Only God can answer these questions. On fear is that i won’t make the final cut. You were so close, but remember that time you were mad and swore, or you didn’t quite love your neighbor enough, you complained about their garbage too much. You worried too much and you lived in fear that the ax may fall. You worried about what others may think so you hid your talents away in a bushel basket. You were to busy playing video games instead of getting your oil for your lamp. You sought a prophecy instead of seeking me, you got a tattoo and now you are marked. You didn’t believe in grace and so on. You thought to much and tried to hard out of your own effort. You didn’t trust me and you always had a plan b. You didn’t love enough.

Hey i’m down here trying, doing the best i can with what i got. I may not be perfect, and i probably have more faults than i can imagine, i fall into temptation, and seek forgiveness, sure i can beat myself up better than most, i am my worst critic and at times my worst enemy,. I really don’t deserve anything. I went to church, i tithed, i taught Sunday school, i had a home prayer group. I gave ten bucks to some homeless guy standing along the side of the road with a sign asking for money. I gave away clothes to a shelter. I read the shack, i even crack open my bible once in awhile, surely you must have heard my prayers when i asked for help. hey, i am trying down here…….

Yet when it comes down to it, i have tried to love, i have tried to forgive and i have tried to have hope. i have fought with hatred and lost, i have forgiven but not forgotten and picked it back up and hated again.  I have tried to be good and failed. i give up. i am a wretched man who gets up every morning and puts his pants on and tries to get through another day. I am just tired. i have become fed up with the way some things are in this world and it is very draining. it’s like you have to chose sides and one side is just as crappy as the other. I just want to be happy, enjoy what i have left. Your mission if you decide to accept it is too be happy. What will really get me in, and i am in already, is that i have loved God, and loved Jesus and believed that the only way in is through Jesus Christ our lord. It may not have always looked pretty from my end, but in God’s eyes, i have loved Him and never stopped. I may have question, but trusted. I am in…….There will be dancing in the streets, it should be that way now, on earth as it is in heaven,,,,,so come on and dance

QUESTIONS….

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?”…Romans 8…i am still trying to figure out my purpose and i have only come up with 3 conclusions,,,,to love God, love others and contribute laughter to this world. Well and maybe drink coffee. I am not always good at loving God, but what is the scale? Some days i pray, some days i read, and some days I think about Him. Most times i think i am just crying out for help, or God do this for me, or God do that, Like He is sitting on some marble bench waving a magic wand. I think to myself what kind of a relationship is this? It seems like some things that i pray for do not even happen. My favorite two prayers are, Lord help through this day, and help me get a goodnight sleep. The world is full of people that i think are intentionally trying  to ruin your day and half the time they don’t even know that they are, they are just so focused on their own needs that they don’t care about who they step on to get what they want.  My sleep usually comes under attack and i am woken up by some trivial nightmare about something i did wrong at work that isn’t even true, or i just have to go to the bathroom. I have to fight off the lie and try to get back to sleep.  I am thankful when i can get a good night’s sleep. You cannot put a price on a good night’s sleep.

As far as loving others goes, ,,,Well at times i fail miserably, it is hard to love others when you don’t see something to love in them. I don’t know how God does it, a couple of billion people on this earth and He loves them all. I even have a hard time loving myself. What about me is so lovable? I can be an ass, a jerk, a bonehead, a selfish person who wants their own way. I get tired of people and have to hid in a cave. Yet there are some people who see past the faults and have seen hearts shining with love as bright as the sun. Maybe they see Jesus in me? It is hard to see it in others, but i like those who make it easy. I just keep trying to let it out of me, but after you have been tramples on, you put up barriers or boundaries. You have to guard your heart, be careful what and who you let in. this old heart of mine has been hurt before by people who i thought i could trust. I can be gun shy. Being introverted you become a little more gun shy. I watch how people are, i am not blind.

As far as the last part goes, i was voted class clown when i was in high school, i was first insulted when i was younger, now i think of it as an honor. Making people laugh is a gift. It comes naturally, and i also think of it as a weapon, it should be listed under that spiritual gift list, because not everyone is funny. There is nothing like a good heart felt belly laugh. It can cure a lot of ailments, it can heal hearts and mend relationships. I don’t know why it is but fart humor is funny. Who would imagine? I had beans tonight and that might create some humor later on in life. I am sure God has a sense of humor,he is probably laughing at some of the things that i do. My angels are probably pleading with God hoping that i would get it right some day. So am i predestined am i called, or justified, I would like to think so, i have days i wonder why God would love a guy like me, or i wonder why i have to go through so much crap in life. Then there are times when i look back at that crap and realize that God was with me all the time. I may not understand, but i do trust.  If you want to help, then help.

 

What it’s like on the other side of the phone and or desk.

Thanks for calling lincare, this is Joe, how can i help you?  This is usually how I answer the phone at work. In an even tone and willing to help. On the other end of the phone are people who call me a dummy, an idiot, and even a f******g idiot. One even went and called a f****** ************. to explicit  for this blog. All because i could not take care of their problem, or order their parts or give them the supplies that they need. If i am not getting paid, you cannot receive what you need. So times this by about ten times a day, for a week. Four times in the first half an hour at work. Everyone wants what they think they are entitled to regardless who gets hurt. What’s worse yet is that some of these people claim to be Christians. This is what it is like to be on the front line, you never know what is on the other side of the phone when you answer it, or who is going to walk in the front door. Some come in with guns a blazing and shoot off their mouth’s and attitudes without a second thought. They don’t realize that the last three other people did the same thing.  I just got done with a beating and you are bringing another? what the hells wrong with you, can’t you see i am already wounded? Can’t you see that i am tired of taking offense? The barrage is relentless, i could go home and cry. No wonder i have high blood pressure and a weak heart.

I am a sensitive guy, i do not take it very well and i take it very personally, why would you do this to me? Just over medical supplies you are going to rip me a new one because i follow the rules and you don’t. Why is you poor planning all of a sudden my problem? I used to think i could take it, but i am not so sure anymore. I feel like i am in constant need of encouragement or uplifting, i don’t sleep well at night and it grieves me when i can’t help someone. I like to help, but if i can’t there is no reason to rip my head off and cram it down my throat. Some days i feel like a little of me dies inside. like it’s my fault and i want to go and hide in a cave. People make me sick at times and if i don’t have anything to do with them for days i can recharge. I ran into some people i went to church with a couple of weeks ago and they didn’t have the time of day for me. What do you do?

On the flip side tho, there are those who appreciate every little thing that you do for them. they thank you and are glad when you do help. When one third of the angels fell i think they all needed some medical stuff and were sent to my office, vomiting their b***s *** all over me. they probably do not even realize that they are doing it but sure cry wolf when someone does it to them. On the flip side tho, those people show me how not to treat others, they show me my need for God everyday. I would pray for them, but at times i can’t. it is hard to pray for your enemies, if that’s what they are. Do we through pearls to the swine? Do we shake the dust off our feet and move on? Does everyone who says yes yes Lord Lord really make it in? What about the wailing  gnashing of teeth? Are there really bad people out there that want to ruin your day for their own selfish pleasure. Are there still some of those old testament spirits hanging around to ruin your day? I am not saying that i am some sort of saint, i have had my share of rough road and made quite a few bad choices, i may have planks in my eye,. I will have to answer to God for my choices.  Please don’t make it harder for me by your actions toward me, you just may not hear what you want to hear when i tell you where to go. I do not extend grace to only have it trampled on over and over, eventually that favor will go out the window.

Tomorrow is a new day and i do not have to go to work for the next five, God is gracious and compassionate and i am not always, but i am learning. I will let my heart heal, my soul rest and i will take all the encouragement i can get. SKOL…….

YAKKITY YAK YAKKITY YAK

The older i get the more i realize i like meaningful conversations. I am tired of small talk and hearing unimportant trivialities from someone’s life. How their weekend went, or what they did, or who they saw, what they spent their money on. I can turn off a radio or the television. Don’t get me wrong, i like people and i care, but i am not interested in what you do with your time. If you did something deep and meaningful, then maybe. Well maybe i don’t care. Have we lost the art of stimulating conversation? Even social media gives me anxiety. I don’t always know what to say, and worry about what i do say. heck, i even get anxiety when there are more than three people in the same aisle as me at the grocery store. When the back alarm get stuck and keeps going for more than twenty seconds, it drives me crazy.  Humor is good hiding place, and so is the bathroom.

Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.”…Matthew 22:37-40…I must confess that i am not well at loving others. I hope that loving others as you love yourself is a two way street. In the world today it seems one sided to me, people just love themselves.  Maybe i am around the wrong people? At times i feel stuck. How do you tell people to shut up and let me do my thing? There are a couple of things that i see are wrong. The first is that people don’t take the time to get to know anyone anymore. They make their judgements on what they see on the surface. They make assumptions that you are like minded and try to form some sort of bond. The second is that we do not take the time to understand anymore. “It’s all about me” is the way of the world now days, what can you do for me, and how can i manipulate you to get what I want. Lord help me to see the good in others.

I think there is a difference in loving yourself and being in love with yourself. They way some people talk about themselves there is no one else in the world but themselves. What happened to the days of humility and putting others first? Days of being respectful of what others need? Being a gentleman. Being a lady. I am sorry if i have not been respectful of your needs. What if you really got to know me? Don’t see my introvertedness as a sign of weakness, actually i am a lot stronger than you think I am. I like who i am and who I am becoming in Jesus.  Some days are good and some days are a struggle. I  am thankful most mornings to get a good night sleep and be able to get out of bed. There is more than what you see on the surface.

 

this little light of mine….

As i sat at the stoplight, and it was green, I watched as cars ran a red light, almost creating an accident. I thought to myself that people don’t change. I see it day after day, the running of red lights, and i think that it will continue until something drastic happens and they are forced to change. There will always be someone bragging about themselves, telling meaningless stories, or there will always be someone who is loud, or one who is always lazy, or has a cop out attitude. One who blames others for their problems, or one who likes meaningless arguments to try and get some moot point across that does not change the way the world spins. People do not take responsibility for their actions anymore. I think they see vulnerability as a weakness.

I haven’t blogged in a while for a multiple or reasons, non which are really legitimate. I have been lazy. Also i have a fear that my blogs really suck, and people might think that my life really sucks, that i constantly go through life with a negative attitude. I just look at things different and hope for a better out come. i wonder if people will ever get it and realize the only one who has to get it is me. Some days i am just thankful to get out of bed.  What do i know, i just listen to the same music from my youth over and over hoping for a better sound.

This year we will have our thirty year anniversary,  my football team isn’t going to the super bowl, and tomorrow is Monday and i will go to work and it will be just another day. i am hoping for a better out come. the phone will ring, people will be nasty and everyone will think of only what’s in it for themselves.  Well there is always hope. The sun will come out, and i will have to pull myself up with my own boot straps and trudge along with a smile on my face. That serving on another with a smile on your face is more than a one way street. It is a lot easier to help people when they are less demanding.

The world will never change, there will always be protests, political arguments, major attitudes, because we all think we know what is right. I am guilty of this. I can micro manage like the best of them. Change has to come from within. Once in a while that little light bulb comes on and  i think all i am responsible for is myself. The only real change that i can do has to come from within. I can be thankful and look for the goodness that is out there. It goes a lot easier when i see it within myself. Christ lives within. He came to set the captives free. i can only be as free as i allow myself to be. Don’t let world put out your fire, extinguish you passion. There is always hope. I have to believe that in the end, goodness is going to prevail. That one day things are going to look different. That love is going to triumph. That all that has been taken away will be restored. That it will not just be another day. That there will be rejoicing. That we will truly know that we are loved. That we will find what we are looking for. We will know the truth and it shall truly set us free, free from the world. I know that it is there and lives in the hearts of mankind. God is real and i want to see Him in His purest form, not clouded by earthly perceptions. Show me Your glory…….