So I’m sitting here having a conversation and I say,” you know some days I am tired and cold, I really struggle and i don’t know how i will make it some days.”
He says,”yes I know, go on”
“some days I am lonely and afraid”, I say
“keep going” He says
I say, “I worry too much and fear the future, Will i be sick or stay healthy, will there be enough in the well, what’s going to become of me, doubt and insecurity are my constant foes, how much longer can i keep doing this before i don’t have anymore to give, what kind of plans and future do I really have?”
He just smiles and let’s out a little belly laugh and says,”is that all, you are sure full of a lot of questions”,His smile gets a little brighter, if that’s possible, and says,”haven’t I always been there?”
“well yes” i say,
“haven’t I always seen you through every thing” He says
“well I guess so” I say looking down
“Haven’t you grown in wisdom and understanding?” He says with a grin.
“Haven’t you learned what love is, and how much I do have your best interest in mind, Even when you didn’t know me, I was still there. I have always had my eye on you. You are very special to Me. I was there every time you felt like you were in a pit. When you got into a terrible mess, when you felt like you were losing hope.” He said in a glorified nature.
It was then that i realized that every step along the way, no matter how terrible and ugly it looked, was there to help me grow, to see Him as more than just a Savior, to see Him as my Friend, my comforter and my guide. I knew that He knew every step of my life, yet He chose me, to love me.
“I am sorry if I have ever disappointed you and let you down,” I said.
“you have never been a disappointment to me, or a failure, you have always brought me great joy, in fact I expected you to fail, How else would it draw us close”. He said.
“you expected me to fail?” I inquired
“sure I did, If you succeeded all the time, you would think that you did it with your own power, and you would have no need for Me, your head would swell up so much that it wouldn’t fit through the door.” He said
“I am thankful for all the times you helped me, I have always thought that me life was just a mess, that no one would want me or care. I am most thankful that you are teaching me how to love.” I said.
“I am honored to call you my child, to have you apart of the kingdom family, I have great plans for you, you are fine young man, and together, we are going places”, He beamed
I could feel the love and confidence starting to swell, not in a prideful way, but in a peaceful way. I knew that there would be more battles ahead, more trials ahead, and surely more falling on my face. I knew that there would be more prayers and worship times in my future. I knew that there were miracles in my future and my hearing and reaction times would be quicker.
As He was hugging me, I could hear Him whisper in my ear,” I love you very much, and you are doing better than you think,,,,,,, I am always here”
As I wiped tears from my eyes, I said,”I am still trying to do the best I can, and i won’t give up”…..I am thankful that I still need a Savior…..